Marie-Therese Phido Mind Your Language and Your Body

Mind Your Language and Your Body As a CEO, Manager and Supervisor, what you say and do is very important to everybody who deals with you on a daily basis. In my many years of being in the corporate world and executive leadership coaching and coordination, I’ve found out that many executives do not pay enough attention to what they say and do.

Let me share my own story with you on this very crucial topic, which is key at the executive level because at this level, your technical competence is a given, what becomes vital are the little “foxes” that can make or break you.

Back to my story. At the verge of getting into executive management level proper, as a senior manager, I was sent to what is called, Development School in South Africa. At the Development School, many things are assessed, especially, your speech, leadership, body language, relationship management, etc. But, I did not know these before I went to the School.

So, I got there and was put into all kinds of scenarios and role plays. Some I passed very well, some not so well, because, I did not understand what was being tested. I did not realize that the invigilators were not interested in the hard stuff or you solving the problems, but were focused on the way you solved it, (critical thinking) and how you handled yourself.

At the end of the assessment, I passed overall, but not the way I would have wanted to pass, it was marginal. I was distraught! I had never not done well in tests and assessments, so it was painful to have done so badly in my view and this was all because I focused on the hard stuff and paid little attention to my language and body.

The way, what and how you talk and use your body are areas organizations do not teach consciously ( this does not apply to the organization that trained me. They make a conscious effort to teach their staff these skills, which was why I attended the School in the first instance).

What we find is organizations in Nigeria and Africa only teach their staff what they need to do to get the work done and excel in the jobs they have been given, but do not teach them what they need to know to be rounded individuals in order to help them grow and get the best out of them. We then expect them to manage people and our customers at the highest levels and achieve excellent results. This ends up being impossible because, you cannot give what you do not have.

Below are some of the most common body language mistakes to avoid if you want to make a great impression as a leader from Lolly Daskal, Global Leadership Coach and Founder of Lead from Within and I.

Clashing body cues and spoken words. If you’re saying “Let’s all work together and make this work” while your hands are crossed against your chest, you’re likely coming across as confusing. People tend to trust nonverbal messages over verbal ones when the two are at odds. If you want people to believe your conciliatory words, uncross your arms and appear friendly, approachable and open.

Raising your chin when you speak. While you definitely want to be proud of what you’re saying, a raised chin is a sign that you feel superior to the person you’re speaking with. Show respect by lowering your chin and staying evenly face- to- face.

Putting one foot out the door. If you want to see where a person’s interest truly lies, look at their shoulders and feet. One of the first indicators that someone is trying to leave a conversation is when they turn a shoulder or a toe away. To show engagement and interest, keep your body directed at the person in front of you.

Lack of eye contact. When you fail to maintain eye contact with someone who’s speaking, you’re signaling a complete lack of interest. Lack of eye contact will shut down even the most enthusiastic speaker. Establish the habit of thoughtful eye contact to show your interest.

Constant fidgeting. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who couldn’t stop moving? Feet bobbing up and down, swaying back and forth, making little motions with their arms—fidgeting sends a message of stress bordering on anxiety, and it’s both unnerving and extremely distracting. When you have something to say, relax your body and try to be as still as possible so your words come out strong and your body doesn’t give away cues of your stress.

Not giving enough space. This one is especially important: give people enough space. People who lean right into you and speak inches away from your face seem to be taking advantage of their power. Nobody likes to feel their space has been invaded. Unless you’re signaled an invitation to come closer, the best body language is to stay at least

an arm’s length away. Don’t back up too far, though, or you’ll come across as unapproachable or uninterested. Stand just close enough to show you’re engaged, and don’t lean in or out too much.

Looking at your watch. Have you ever been distracted in a meeting or conversation when the person you’re trying to connect with keeps looking at their watch? We all know that means they’re checked out, uninterested or indifferent to what is being said. Stop looking at your watch— that goes for your phone, too— and don’t let your body language signal boredom.

Everyone wants to make a good impression, no matter what their position or title. But when your body is saying one thing and your words another, there’s a better-than-average chance you’re making a poor impression. Review these common mistakes from time to

time and make sure you’re not guilty of any of them and if you are avoid them or correct them.

Giving feedback: when you give feedback, make it constructive. Don’t destroy people’s self-esteem and embarrass them when giving feedback irrespective of whether it is being done in private or within a group of people. Secondly, always start from the positive. Tell them what they’ve done well first and then tell them how they could’ve improved things. This sends a message that you support them and want them to succeed.

Always remember that as a leader, your body language will speak volumes, make sure you are mindful and paying attention to the message you are sending and to what you are saying.