MAJEK FASHEK …. AND THE RAIN FELL
I once had an encounter with Majek. He had jumped in front of my car in an attempt to get me to get him some strong drink that early morning somewhere at the Jibowu bus stop in Lagos. I came out of the car, hugged him, bought him the drink and had a spiritual battle with him. The encounter was perfectly documented in a write-up published by the beautiful Linda Ikeji. The write-up sent him to rehabilitation and his son Randy called to say thank you. So when I woke up this Monday morning, on my way to take a leak, the news feed hit my phone, Majek had passed on. I smiled. I finished taking my leak, went downstairs to take my daily Vitamin C- they say we must boost our immunity and since I no fit drink all that garlic, I just respect myself with Vitamin C. After all this ritual, I now took my time to start reading all the commentaries on the great man’s passing. You see for me, I remain very happy that he is finally free. I had prayed for this moment and really wished for it to come sooner and peacefully. This was a tortured soul. I saw the fear in his eyes that morning. He pleaded with me through those beautiful eyes to allow him go. He wanted to leave the suffering that comes with that level of ingenuity, it was too much for him to bear. I understood, I saw where he was coming from and in our usual commune in dreams he kept pleading and wanting to go. I saw Majek fairly regularly in my dreams since that encounter. We connected and his eyes held me captive. It was almost a weekly ritual - the dreams. I knew the time was near cos by this time, the pain in his eyes had been replaced with a weary resignation of prayers answered. The last time he came to me on my couch, he hugged me and said thank you. So I smiled at the news of his death and went out the window to peer at the heavy rains bellowing over rusted roof tops in honour of the great magician that was Majek Fashek. He was truly a god and rain fell even in his death in perfect obeisance to one of the greatest that came this way.
COVID-19 – FG SURRENDERS
Abi wetin else we go call am? Infections rising daily that one is even beginning to consider running away from Lagos to Kogi . Now we have passed the 10,000 mark and speeding to only God knows where and government now comes with an almost total relaxation of the measures aimed at curbing the spread mbok, now we are truly on our own o. Some of us had advocated the easing of the lockdown but only if they put more efforts in ramping the management to keep death and discharge rate steady or at a minimum. But what did we get, nothing at that end but a government raising its hands in absolute surrender hoping that juju or some local brew will help do the magic. So to your tents my people as we begin the unique Nigerian style of ‘roughing’ it. We go rough am, no problem. Mbok kuku open the churches and mosques since everything don open before those ones will start retrenching and downsizing. The thing don hit them, I for laugh but this no be laughing matter. God for us all, all man to himself.
THE DRAMA CALLED TRUMP
This man is simply something else. I don’t even know how to describe him. You know me I don’t like following the crowd so I will not call him names that the rest of the world have been calling him, I go just beat my own path. The man gives the word ‘madness’ a positive glow. Him own don pass that level. The other day in the wake of the protests that have engulfed America following the murder of Mr. Floyd, I saw a tweet purportedly from him complaining about the state of cleanliness of the bunker blaming Obama. Mbok, I screamed, this one is just something else. Bunker? Dirty? For this one that is happening. Kai. Just as I thought it couldn’t get worse, he ensures that the authorities brutalize unarmed protesters so that he can go to church and hold bible and take picture. kai, na this kind one we should get here, the drama is colourful. What we have hear na silence of the lamb. This one is per second excitement. Well, they voted him, they sure got what they wanted. We dey here with our own. Same same just far less drama. Na wa.
ZUBAIRU MALAMI – ‘OH MY GOD’
At first, I thought it was just the usual social media banter that this gentleman, former boyfriend of the new wife of our Custom Oga was asking to be refunded the sum of N9m being amount spent on gifts and the rest. Then I saw in one of the reports a letter allegedly written by his Lawyers and I stood up. At face value, you would want to just brush this young man aside and laugh but my people this thing can pain o. Let me tell you my own. That is how when I was still working in BGL and had stupid money, I bought Car for one young damsel o. – Please nobody should show Duchess this paper o, I have already told her that Thisday is not selling this weekend that the Editor is on leave- mbok after six months of buying the car, tear rubber o, the beautiful igbo girl say she no do again. I nearly die. The Car was in her name but that was not the point sef, me I don love am die. Infact those days, if I no hear from am first thing in the morning I don rush to her house go see if she get pimples or if the pimples dey give am headache. Such was my love. So when she dropped the bomb, I was devastated to say the least. Well, what can I do, I try to pick up the pieces of my life and go back home. That is how one day on third mainland bridge I see my baby in the Car I buy for her and na one mumu boy dey drive the car. I weak. My cousin Nelson was driving, he said, bro lets jam the car. Let’s finish the car. I say no calm down. I am a man of peace. Wait o, gist is coming. That is how the girl see us and wave me. I wave her back. The next thing that mumu, wey know know how the Car come about come dey vex. He started abusing the girl that who was that. They parked and she was pleading and begging. As we got closer, I heard her say he is our Usher in Church. Kai, me, my Car. My brother Nelson say we should come out and beat the boy. Imagine. I say lets just go, let me carry my sorrow. It is not his fault, na me be the mumu. So you see why I understand perfectly where this man is going to with this. We are watching to see the outcome because this is a landmark case. If the guy win, then he would have saved millions of men like me from the tyranny of these mercantilist women. However, just as I was going to press, I saw anther report purportedly from the young man saying that he did not authorize the publication of the said letter. Worefer.
GABRIEL OGBECHIE: THE BIRTHDAY BOY
Just to say happy birthday to this wonderful friend and brother. It was his birthday last week and he celebrated on zoom. You see why this Covid thing is just spoiling things. Gabriel? You people don’t know Gabriel o. His birthday? He would have declared especially with what he just did on Admiralty way in Lekki. He thinks I don’t know, I just dey look am, me that I am a spirit? Anyways, I just want to use this medium to send heartfelt felicitation to my brother wey get money pass me and also to his lovely wife Godrey as they celebrate another blissful year. Welldone