HERBERT WIGWE – A CHEERFUL SALUTE
I hear August 15 was this my brother’s birthday and my conscience will not allow me be if I do not send out a befitting birthday wish to him. The other day, I yabbed am no be small when he decided to take out his tea girls. The write-up went far o, even Google News carry am. I was weak. People call me o. They say, why did you do that to a man that has been nice to you. Well, that time COVID-19 dey everywhere and people’s eyes were red. Bro weathered that storm as he has always done in his sterling career emerging one of the most distinguished bankers of our time. I respect him and will continue to, no matter what. That we disagree on some issues does not mean that I do not hold him in the highest of esteem. Not only me o but millions of Nigerians. Last time I saw him, he still had the gorimapa but looked quite handsome although was tired having just returned from a trip to Osun or somewhere. He worked into his office and we were plenty waiting to see him. He saw me and said, ‘Edgar, what are you doing here oh? I said I was looking for somewhere to piss. What kind of question be that? His humility and demeanour always disarming me and making me maintain the huge regard that I have for him. Happy birthday, bro! When I am less busy I will come and present to you my latest work – Anonymous Nipples, a compilation of over 50 semi-nude pictures. If madam see am, that is your wahala o. Stay safe bro and God bless.
As a distinguished alumnus of Unilag, I must confess that I have been watching the wahala at Unilag with shame. The way that Baba that used to have afro was running around the place like a drunken sheriff was giving a lot of us sleepless nights. He suddenly became a dictator, sacking people, making accusations and doing all sorts as if the power ended with him. Some people will finish us if they ever get to be commander-in-chief o. Common small Governing Council oga, see the way they were running around like Idi Amin. Anyways Buhari cleared all that rubbish last week with the appointment of John Momoh. Sanity seems to have come back. That is how some people in my BGL Alumni WhatsApp group start to talk the usual rubbish. You see this WhatsApp thing is beginning to get to me, the way people just jump on it and be talking authoritatively total bunkum. ‘O hhh the partiality of Channels TV has been confirmed with this appointment,’ they screamed. I just weak. You see why my egbon shouted ‘stupid’ at that skinny reporter? Some of the things people say can make you just run naked. Anyways, me I have implicit confidence in John Momoh and the role he is expected to play in my Unilag. Oga, if there is anything you need of me, let me know. Let me go pay my alumni dues first. Well done and congratulations sir.
We got the news of this hard-working Prof contracting the dreaded COVID-19 with sadness. The good thing is that it looks like we have started to master the thing. With just a little over 1,000 fatalities and over 80% recovery, the curve is beginning to ease towards flattening, so I am calm. Prof has been at the forefront of this fight even when we thought the thing will finish us.
He stood firm working with His Excellency in erecting the initial frontier against the virus. I know Prof will be ok, he has the courage to deliver himself and the rest of us from this scourge. We remain quite lucky to have him on our side and I pray that our heavenly father will guide not only him but all those afflicted with this illness safely home. Prof, please send your address let me send you a well-prepared bowl of afang complete with snails, periwinkles and dry fish as my own contribution. Please, my brother, avoid activities in the other room for now. We need all the strength we can muster to boost immunity. That one can wait. I will be dedicating my own activities to you. Don’t worry, you hear. Be strong.
This eternal beauty graciously accepted to write an essay in my forthcoming book- Anonymous Nipples. Kai, this book is going to cause trouble o. At the last count, such strong amazons have agreed to write. Media personality like Azuka Ogujiuba, my sister and CSR expert, Ini Abimbola, delectable actress, Elvina Ibru and Nigeria’s leading Sexologist Soul Spice have all agreed to contribute essays. Wait o, HIV activist, Mary Ero, is also doing her contribution. When Regina submitted her essay I almost fell down. She dropped a bomb that will make a lot of people stand up and give the woman the applause she truly deserves. The book will be coming with 100 boudoir pictures contributed by two leading photographers and Nigeria’s best in the field, Ibi Sofekun and Femi Olude. For those of you who do not know the meaning of boudoir, na French for nude. Me sef no know until this project, na Ibi tell me. Buy the book. Kai. I can find trouble.