IT NEEDN’T BE SO

Recently, a discourse session took place on the emotional trauma that parents/ wards/ older siblings, unc les, aunt sandwh at-have-you’ continue to deliberately or inadvertently leave in the hearts of budding teenagers and young adults home and away. This was a mixed group of mostly middle-aged African adults who appeared to have each experienced situations in this regard during their own format ive years. A gentleman described how the uncle he had togo and live with never paid ako bo towards his education nor gave him transport fares even though day and night, he was the houseboy, gate man, handy man, and maintenance man all rolled into one, of uncle’s family. I feel that narratives along what constitutes constructive training as against bullying, repression, harassment, concealed enslavement, neglect, etc ., do need to be made, heard and frequently revisited amongst ourselves. Many Nigerian adults need to come to there ali sat ion that they, in the name of‘ training’ have set many teens up to fail by the very nasty utterances they made or are making to young minds. I being a sufferer of significant varying measures in this wise, following the untimely death of my mother when I was only 12 years old, know this only too well. Many people can’t just find it within themselves to be kind, pronto! I couldn’ t help but to surreptitiously gr it my teeth in anger quite recently at a Nigerian father who suddenly‘ lost it .’ He turned around during his daughter’ s CPA review, and hissed that his 15 year old disturbed daughter would forth with be sent back home for ‘sense to be beaten into her’ (dad’s actual words). This girl had repeatedly suffered bullying at school and was struggling with accepting the physical changes in her own body, being currently a breast size 38b bra cup size. Girl in question has two years history of restricting her own diet and purging after each meal-very much a case of bu li mi an erv os a. This is who Nigerian father states must be sent back home (back to Nigeria) where she would be given thorough caning for sometime and she would stop being‘ silly .’ He went on heated ly to brag about his perfect brother’ s child who was also 15 and just gained entrance to uni in Nigeria to read Engineering. Mum, who had attended same CPA meeting froze immediately at this her husband’ s angry out burst. All of a sudden the years and years of seemingly repressed emotions welled up in her as she dropped to the floor curled into a fetal position and cried buckets. She looked up several times during her tears, threw her arms into the air as if to say, what have you just said?’ and resumed wailing hysterically. Trust me, the rules of the game changed swift ly and the processes of putting this young person in carefully began. That same day petitions were virtually exchanged and ratified. And, this disturbed girl-child was swift ly taken into care, and as clauses after clause soft he hand over put it ,‘ for her own safety .’ So what are the fates of those millions other girls out in our communities with no advocates? Let’ s come back to basics-what have you been saying to your own child about their: body, idiosyncrasies, aptitudes, weaknesses, fears, achievements and unfolding personalities? What have you already said in the past to young minds you have come in contact with? How about those of you that‘ dump’ your kids on your seemingly rich er siblings, and then walk away playing the victim of life’s misfortunes. How on earth do you really feel that an uncle/aunt can totally ‘father/mother’ your own child for you? The sickening aspect of it all are those parents who religious ly spite fully praise the achievements of other children to their own children. It’s called in bible terms - covetousness; one of the 10 commandments of God - forbidden to be practiced. So would you please take a minute or two to reflect on how constructive your utterances presently are to your children, teenage relatives as well as teenagers around you. Are you building or setting young minds up to eventually fail?

Omoru is a freelance writer, education, health and social care advocate