Of Money Wives and Wife Laundering
Arecent twitter post by Tunde Onakoya on the ‘Money wife’ tradition in Cross River State communities generated considerable social media interest. But after trending for a few days, those excited by the story seem to have moved on since we live in a nation where, even at the best of times, it is one day, one drama. Today, the issue Onakoya raised has gone the way of similar reports regarding a tradition that dehumanizes women and girls in an attempt to reinforce patriarchy. But this is an issue that we must engage if we are to create a just society.
Earlier this year, in the 8th January edition of The Nation newspaper, Justina Asishana wrote extensively about the odd practice among the Becheve in Cross River State where girls, some as young as four years, “are used as collateral for loans their parents obtained from more illustrious kinsmen.” In the report, Asishana narrated how “the innocent girls are often turned into sex slaves in addition to performing other chores for which they are not paid,” in 17 communities in Obanliku local government area of Cross River State. Even though the bombastic Governor Benedict Ayade is from the area, he is not on record as having done anything to stop this sordid practice that I believe should be a campaign issue for the 2023 general election.
At the invitation of Ify Malo, co-founder/CEO, Clean Tech Hub Nigeria, I attended a programme last week organized by the Abuja-based Heinrich Böll Stiftung, a non-governmental agency affiliated to the ‘Alliance ’90/The Greens’ political party in Germany. ‘Rethinking the role of women in leadership positions’, featured speakers including Sharon Omotosho, a lecturer at the University of Ibadan, Asma’u Joda, executive chair, Centre for Women & Adolescent Empowerment, Ireti Bakare-Yusuf, a radio and television broadcaster, Simi Olusola, a social impact entrepreneur and Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) House of Representatives candidate in Osun State and Cynthia Mbamalu, director of programmes, YIAGA Africa.
According to the convener, feminist leadership conversations need to go beyond putting a few women in leadership position. The core of any intervention must promote gender democracy: “To bridge gaps that have impeded the advancement of feminist leadership on the continent, the creation of a shared understanding of what
this entails is essential. The definition and use of the term feminism in African discourse pose several problems for African women. Many of us tend to deny any affiliation to the feminist movement, even though our values promote feminist aspirations. This perhaps stems from the misconceptions that surround feminism that need to be overcome. However, in the end, the ways to tackle issues that affect African women should go beyond discussing labels.”
I enjoyed the session because the conversations were honest and devoid of the grandstanding and anti-intellectualism that usually dominate such engagement, especially on social media. Most speakers defined feminism as gender equality which, quite frankly, should be supported by everyone. It is far more thoughtful than the male disparagement and anti-family agenda peddled with warped ‘menarescum’ ideas. Although Joda, who defined feminism as “equality between the sexes in everything except the process of giving birth while a good father can bring up a healthy baby without breastfeeding,” agreed with others that having women in public office does not necessarily equate to Feminist Leadership, she nonetheless referenced the Prime Minister of New Zealand, Jacinda Arden as an ideal feminist. That for me is instructive because Arden is a mother who also has a male partner.
However, from narratives at the session, it is obvious that we have a long way to go in a country where impediments are cynically placed against women and girls, essentially from cradle to grave. This challenge is particularly evident in the political arena where change is supposed to be instituted. In the Nigerian context, most power spaces are occupied by abusive men. For instance, Olusola shared some of her campaign experiences. On one occasion, she met a ‘big man’ politician in her state to seek support. First, the man was interested in her marital status. After confirming that she was married, he followed up with another question, ‘do you have children?’ Despite feeling violated by such inquisition into her private life, Olusola said she replied to him. And then the man brazenly declared intention to father her first child in a manner that is as reckless as it is utterly disrespectful.
Meanwhile, Mbamalu’s story illustrates the paradox of feminist ideology having percolated through the society without any effect on male attitudes. She narrated how she led a team from her office to the palace of a traditional ruler in Anambra State where she hails from. Because she understands the culture and did not want to offend their sensibility, Mbamalu allowed a male member of her team to speak at the palace. When they shared the kolanut (a significant cultural rite in Igboland) Mbamalu was omitted to the displeasure of her team members who could not understand the discrimination. Apparently having noticed the mild drama, the traditional ruler, whom Mbamalu described as well-educated, referenced the kolanut episode in his remark. “I believe in gender equality”, the traditional ruler reportedly said with deliberate emphasis before he then added the punchline, “But it will never happen in this lifetime!”
Today, the reality of our country is that women and girls are not only discriminated against at every level but are also denied equal treatment on issues that directly impact their well-being. More concerning is the level of its institutionalization, to the point that any kind of political action that might facilitate change is virtually impossible. In September 2018, a watered-down version of the Gender and Equality Bill passed a second reading in the Senate. Provisions included equal rights for women in marriage, divorce, property ownership and inheritance etc. At the end, the bill was voted down because many senators said enacting a law to accord women equal rights with men was “un-African and anti-religious”.
A fundamental ground rule of democracy is fair representation. But the National Bureau of Statistics (NBS) Quarterly Bulletin released on 1st May this year revealed that women still do not have equal access to decision making and power-sharing at any level in the country. According to the report, the statistics of ministerial appointments from 1999 to 2021 stood at 13.73 per cent for females and 86.27 per cent for males while for senatorial seats, females had a representation of 15.91 per cent and 84.09 per cent for males. We all know there has been no elected female president, vice president or governor. And there is not likely to be one in 2023 since the female All Progressives (APC) gubernatorial candidate in Adamawa State has been upended by the court. Even the handful of women who are offered appointive positions, especially in the states, are hardly given responsibilities commensurate with their talents.
While we bemoan this state of affairs, a prominent traditional ruler in the Southwest who has failed repeatedly at serial monogamy (using a cynical method of wife elimination by substitution) has just decided to raise the stakes by engaging in what appears to me like wife laundering. He is marrying multiple professionally successful and beautiful women at the same time with some palace chiefs using the name of a Yoruba god as justification. People of course have a right to their choice. But the merchandising that is going on in the name of marriage by this traditional ruler and the blatant objectification that follows on social media can only reinforce patriarchy that is already ingrained in our society.