In denial

In coping with stress and crises, “denial” is the easiest option as a defense mechanism. While it is regarded as a form of immature behavior, a way of avoiding responsibility and blame, it is the default setting for fending off reality.

Denial takes many forms. Sidestepping blame for some debacle is achieved by denying intent by changing the meaning of words — I used the word “climax” only in relation to music, as a background piece in aid of legislation. Why people put a lascivious connotation to my questioning of a witness is beyond me. I represent teachers in this congress after all.

There is really a thin line between a defense mechanism and coping with painful reality. In terms of simplicity, nothing beats denial. Rationalization, for one, requires an elaborate need for excuses and making an insane move seem perfectly rational — shouting at the boss when he is correcting the grammar in my report allows him to properly appraise my pronunciation more clearly. Denial comes from Latin de and

negare, as in denigrate, or to say no. So, the act of denial can also mean saying no to the pain a difficult situation can inflict on the psyche.

The person who loses a high-level job abruptly may continue to wake up early, dress up, and drive to work to the general area of his old office, denying the reality of his current unemployment. There are cultures, like the Japanese, which find this type of coping behavior at least understandable. The idea of a “garden leave” allows the subject to still be employed but not needing to go to office.

Denying the hard facts of life allows us to move on. Why do we need to confront reality if we can’t alter its consequences? Maybe denial is the best way of moving on without getting stuck in a state of unyielding depression. There are certain techniques that help in shutting out painful reality.

If you have seen live an actual seesaw game that almost turned glorious ( but not quite), why watch the late night replay when the result will not change? Even with the theory of parallel reality (in the other world, the last shot went in), the denial king will skip the sports news, and pick up reading instead John Burdett’s erotic thriller, and the goings on in the nightspot, The Old Men’s Club.

Missing out on a promotion? In the shuffling of the organization, there are bound to be fewer boxes at the top than those struggling to fill them. If one ends up without a chair (mixed metaphor alert) when the music stops, does one just walk away from the game? No, it’s best to deny the importance of chairs and boxes and tell others (as well as oneself) that one has better things to do like watch plays and read books than meet unrealistic budgets and engage in turf wars. Extra pay will just go to useless purchases like cars and trips.

Even before contests with winners and losers, whether in sports or corporate battles, are joined, the denial strategy dictates that the prize be diminished, in the probable case one does not get it. If it’s a championship for a game against a more dominant fierce rival, one can say at the start that being in the finals ( or the short list) is already a victory. This makes the actual trophy just icing on the cake and not something to pin unrealistic hopes on. If defeat is not so scary, then all the more can one be much better prepared for the outcome, only too ready for the unfavorable possibility.

Mental exercises regarding what might have been, a significant lead lost, an easy lay-up missed, a rebound thrown away, an unforced traveling error, a strategy of eating the clock overlooked are best replaced by working out on the treadmill.

The process of self-delusion is the key to happiness — without the secretly longed for prize, there will be less headaches.

Unattained as well as unattainable prizes that are too emotionally invested are best drained of their irrational hold on us. Major writers blindsided by this year’s award of the Nobel Prize for literature going to a songwriter can practice denial — of course, I can’t play the harmonica at all.

In terms of simplicity, nothing beats denial.