Keep looking for the upside
This morning, i woke up to see my first green siling labuyo turn a bright, glorious red, while rooted in its humble clay pot. pre-covid days, i wouldn’t even know how it grew, and what its leaves looked like. i dislike spicy food. Yet, here i am—enthralled by my tiny chili pepper dangling from the slimmest stem, so delicate and beautiful in its being.
Last week, I completed four rounds of chemotherapy. Do you know what a personal blessing it is to be able to even write that sentence? OMG. Well, I am glad that you don’t know because that means you’re cancer-free. But hey, it’s no secret to friends and family that I have Stage 2 breast cancer. Last February, I had a tumor removed from my left breast, which basically demolished the lot, leaving behind what appears to be a tiny house standing next to a medium-rise condo on my lopsided chest. After surgery, came a series of chemotherapy treatments. I need to have 8 cycles of chemo so I have reached my mid-way mark.
But, hey, four rounds! And these are said to be the most difficult
rounds of chemotherapy, the dreaded A/C or as breast cancer survivors and “thrivers” call as the “red devil.” So toxic is the first medicine to be infused that you pee in red because such is its color. Well, been there, done that. I have four more cycles to go, but now using a different medicine at a much lighter dose.
What is the upside? Hair. I lost around 80 percent of it during my first four cycles. This morning, I see growth. Of course, some of you may lecture me that the upside should be my finishing the first four cycles. My quick retort would be: “Have you lost your hair to drugs?” Pre-chemo, I had scrunchies and ponytail bands in my bag. Now, I scrunch my face, because I have no hair. So, any sign of growth is good. I have so many bald friends who’d be thrilled to see signs of hair regrowth. My hair will hopefully grow back, better.
Pre-covid times, I owned several rosaries but never had the desire or the need to pray the mysteries. Like books standing on shelves, they were just there. During this pandemic, praying the rosary at night with my family has become life’s biggest joys. I fall asleep knowing God is here, there, and everywhere and that Mama Mary loves me. I now read and share books written by Father Jerry Orbos, SVD, the priest with dimples and an acoustic guitar that loves to sing Beatle songs and share stories of his own bout with lung cancer. He introduced me and so many other cancer patients to Saint Ezekiel Moreno, the patron saint of people with cancer. Whenever I feel something, good or bad, I talk to St. Ezekiel. The upside in life is that it is never too late to revive your faith.
I am now a fan girl of priests who make sense, and of rosary beads that account for prayers uttered with fervor. I spend more time searching for the homilies of Father Jerry on Youtube than watching politicians pontificate on the evening news. People who rely on government to lift them up are missing the point of this pandemic. Rely on people who love and know you, and rely on your inner gifts and talents, but always trust that God is in control.
Please look at the upside of things. Do not mope because you choose to prefer sad over glorious, and anger over love. Peace comes with love, not with anger. Moping causes wrinkles.
I look outside my window, which I now see needs to be cleaned, and see the brightness of the sky. The sun is out, and the –ber months are in. Three months from now, I shall have finished the last four cycles of my chemotherapy. I will be able to celebrate the month of December knowing that I have seized every medical opportunity to heal myself. Are you healing yourself, too? I learned through months of cancer treatments that time will always be in great deficit. The upside is that we have enough of it to make a real difference.
Live life always looking for the upside. Like the siling labuyo turning red in my urban garden, there are miracles before you, spiced with joy.
In time, this global pandemic will pass. Meanwhile, what are you doing different or better to prepare for the rest of your life? Do not lock down your spirit. Live. Always look for the upside. Whoever you are, rich or poor, fat or thin, sick or healthy—know that you are loved, up and beyond galaxies far, far away. Isn’t that the best upside of all?