Coping with disappointment
IFOUND myself extremely disappointed when it was declared that we will be under ECQ again. There are so many people to blame and several who should be held accountable for mishandling the Covid-19 pandemic. But I am left to look at the fractured image of responsible and dependable leaders against the stark reality of the ineptitude of people who could have done something more but chose to put themselves first before others. I have been disappointed many times before but this one takes the cake.
The root cause of any disappointment is when reality is not attuned to what you have envisioned things to be. Aside from how the pandemic was handled, another example is when you want to be promoted but a less than qualified person was chosen. And to make matters worse, they were positioned as your direct manager. You are disappointed when things do not go as you have planned.
Sometimes, it is rooted in something deeper than what we are aware of. Take the case of successful people who have reached their desired status but still find themselves lacking what truly makes them happy, only to discover they were after the wrong things. Somehow, being disappointed is rooted in unmet expectations which are consciously known, or possibly the disappointment can be anchored to something more subliminal. And while disappointments keep us grounded on reality, if they are not managed carefully, they could develop into depression and apathy.
To manage your disappointment, you need to start by looking at what happened through the lens of what could have been done to prevent it. Most of the things we are disappointed at is the result of something we could have done better or something we failed to do. In these instances, we need to view the event as a learning experience so we can avoid doing the same thing again. Like in the pandemic, we can focus on what could have been done better than focusing on something what has already happened. What can we learn from the experience? What can we do better next time? And who can we depend on to lead us out of this crisis?
But not all disappointments are learning experiences. Sometimes, the cause of disappointment is something you have no control over. In these cases, you need to evaluate where the feelings of disappointment are coming from and assess their source so you can manage how you react to the situation. Some things you just have to let go and move on because dwelling on them will become more problematic than productive. For things we cannot control, we must accept and focus on things we can control.
Once you have identified what desire is driving your disappointment, you can look for other options in making that desire a reality. For example, you have been eyeing to be mentored by a particular leader in your organization, but they chose someone else. Of course, you would feel disappointed. But take the time to reflect what it is in that leader which made you want to be mentored by them. You can then look for other mentors in the organization who can help you develop your skills. You might even be surprised that there are better mentors than the one you had in mind.
Another source of disappointment is setting unreal expectations. Anchor your expectations on what is possible and reasonable. Some people think they ought to be given more credit and encouragement after pulling more than their weight in the office, when in fact they do subpar work which leads them to put in more hours and more work than others. Do not delude yourself with something that you know is not possible given your current skills set. Set your sights on achievable and realistic goals.
And even if you do better than everybody else and you still get passed over for promotion, it does not mean you are inferior. There are other factors managers take into consideration when promoting others. In cases when you feel you have done your best and it still seemed not enough, you can ask why so you can improve. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, look for what you can do to get rid of your disappointment and focus on improving yourself to take advantage of the next opportunity in your professional career. For all you know, you were meant for another leadership role.
Remember to pat yourself on the back. Disappointments happen to the best of us. Someone once said that a setback is a setup for a comeback. So do not beat yourself up for temporary disappointments. Learn what you need to learn from the experience and use those to further your personal development. If you need to, talk to a trusted friend and vent out.
There are those who take out their disappointment through uplifting activities like working out or social work. Take out your disappointment by playing your favorite sport or doing home workouts. This will help release endorphins, the so-called happy hormones. You can also help others out through the different outreach activities by civic groups. Find a cause you believe in and provide as much assistance as you can. These activities help to take your mind off your disappointment and give you the added boost to your self-esteem.
With all the negativity in the news and in social media, it is easy to fall into helplessness and disillusionment. Much as we would like to be informed and be abreast with the developments around us, it would be best to focus on things you can do in spite of what is happening.
This will put you in a better mental state to do what is needed to help you cope with disappointments not just with work but also with what is happening around you.
Disappointments are common in life. But there are disappointments which go beyond the ordinary and rob you of your peace of mind and contentment. Some could even cripple you from pursuing your personal goals and stop you from dreaming. Do not let events and people take away your own happiness. As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.”