Dealing with whiners, complainers and blamers
Don’t you just hate it when you are quietly doing your work and then one of your coworkers comes up to you and tells you everything is not going well. And then they complain they are given more work than they could handle. And then they start questioning new processes and lament why everything has to change. And then they talk about every other little inconvenience they encounter while they do their work.
You started out working and being focused and engaged, but now find yourself rattled and confused. If you are not careful, you might find yourself trapped in their negativity. There are different kinds of problematic workmates, but the most common are the whiners, complainers and blamers. I am sure we have become one ourselves at some point in our lives, and that is okay because it is a way of venting out stress. But when bad behavior becomes chronic, it endangers not only the person’s productivity but the entire team’s disposition as well.
How do we differentiate these three common negative behaviors? Whiners are those who feel unduly burdened by the expectations of their leader and others. they feel helpless and instead of looking for ways to do their work, they look for other people to affirm that what they are feeling is valid. Instead of looking for solutions, they seek sympathy and attention. Whiners constantly feel like they are being attacked and forced to do more work than others.
Complainers, on the other hand, are those who always want to do things their way and find it difficult to compromise. They find fault with anything new and point out reasons why things will not work. Sometimes, complainers point out things we do not see because of our own biases. Having complainers can help us identify points of improvement in new processes and help us fine-tune these to become better. But because they come off as irritating and annoying, their good ideas get lost. Complainers may be onto something, but they lack the communication skills to get their message across.
Blamers, meanwhile, are those who shift the blame to others. they do not take responsibility for their actions, and they often make the excuse that other people made them do it. Blamers often ask other people their opinion on how the work should be done and when it fails, they will blame it on this person or that. But when it succeeds, they shamelessly take all the compliments. they have no accountability for their own work and for everything that goes wrong, everyone is blamed except them.
Whiners, complainers and blamers are dangerous for collaboration and teamwork because negativity feeds off from each other. It compromises the working relationships within the team, disrupts productivity, and reduces the time spent for actual work. How then should we deal with the whiners, complainers and blamers in our teams?
one thing you can do is to gently call them out and make them understand how their actions affect the entire team. there are cases when they are too caught up in their negative behavior that they do not see how they are affecting others. You can do this by asking them how someone would feel if they whine, complain, or blame others. then make them realize that since they are part of the team, they will have to work with the team in ensuring work is done properly and efficiently.
Another effective way is to ask them how they would have done things differently. Asking them how they would have done it puts the focus on them and forces them to look for solutions rather than find fault or blame others. It will also help you uncover why they are reacting the way they do, so you can then decide if you can do something about it. Asking them how they would have done it differently helps them put themselves in other people’s shoes and urges them to look at changes and problems from the lens of a team player, rather than an individual contributor.
A similar approach is to ask them to identify the most recent successful project they have accomplished so they can change their mindset. Ask them what they did that contributed to the success of the project, and then ask them how they can adapt the same in the new one. Reframe their mindset by pointing out something they have done in the past successfully. Oftentimes, whiners, complainers and blamers have no control over their own emotions and their circumstances, so they revert to their negative behavior. By pointing out their successes in the past, you help them adopt a better outlook on their tasks.
You also need to check yourself if you are enabling their negative behavior by listening to them. Whiners, complainers and blamers love an audience, and if they know that they have your sympathy, they will take advantage and constantly reach out to you to listen to them. Yes, you need to listen, but you also need to help them resolve their issues. Support them as they learn how to handle their own emotions but do not be afraid to call them out or redirect their focus to becoming productive team members.
If they do not change their negative behavior, you can stop whining and just ignore them. Limit your interactions on a need-to basis but continue to be friendly to the person. Offer to listen to them but limit those interactions and politely decline extended conversations by saying you have work to do. If they continue to whine, complain and blame others for their work output, maybe the problem is a culture fit and they might be better off in another department. You might need to talk to your immediate supervisor or the Human Resource for their help.
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. It only takes one member of the team to compromise the reliability of the entire team. So, when a team member chronically complains, whines, or blames others for their poor output, you need to do something about it. otherwise, you might end up losing not just one team member.