Travails of a working mom
IT has happened. My fiveyear-old has started questioning my life choices. “Why are you still working? It’s already nighttime,” she told me one time I was rushing an important presentation. “Why do you have to leave? Is it because your boss will get angry?”—asked when I had to miss her very first family day in school due to a longcommitted company trip.
The night before that trip, my daughter, after saying her bedtime prayer, turned to me and said she wanted to grow up soon so she could help me and so I could stop working. I held back my tears, even as I saw hers rolling down her cheeks. My heart shattered.
I’m sure these conversations are not unique to me and my daughter. If you’re a working momma like me, chances are you have had similar exchanges with your kids at one point or another. And the exchanges become increasingly difficult. As much as we would like to be present for every milestone, there are times when we cannot, even if we want to.
But we try anyway. We juggle work commitments, home responsibilities, and mommy duties. More often than not, it’s our self-care that takes a backseat— which should not be the case, but happens anyway.
So close to real life
SOME years back, I came across Canadian sitcom Workin’ Moms on Netflix. Curious, I watched the pilot episode. A few minutes into the show, I was hooked. The show’s creator and one of the lead actors, Catherine Reitman, played high-flying public relations executive Kate Foster, who had to hit the pause button when she gave birth well into her 30s and deep into her PR career.
Coming back from her maternity leave, she came face-to-face with a new male executive who seemed poised to take her spot as the agency’s ace. The first few episodes magnified the difference between male and female executives, as Kate struggled to get her groove back, all while pumping breastmilk in the office and taking care of a needy little human when she gets home from work.
At some point in the series, as Kate’s career got back on track, her marriage started to crack. Husband Nathan, played by Reitman’s real-life spouse Philip Sternberg, cheated on Kate with the nanny of Kate’s best friend, psychiatrist Anne Carlson. Kate later had her own affair with her business partner. In the end, Kate and Nathan decided to work on their marriage, no matter how difficult things got.
Another story arc that imprinted heavily on me was that of Anne and her family. While successfully helping patients with their mental health issues, she struggled to deal with her own anger issues and her teenage daughter. She was so busy taking care of other people that she did not see that she needed help, too.
Some situations depicted in the series may be too extreme for many of us, but I have no doubt that these things, and then some, do happen in real life. In numerous interviews, Reitman had revealed that the show was largely based on her own experiences as a new mom. The main characters were supposed to show the messy side of motherhood, one Reitman related to more than the well-curated mommy posts often seen on social media.
Love yourself—or try to
THE show’s seven-season run brought to the fore some very real issues that working mothers face on a daily basis: the emotional load they carried, discrimination in the workplace (which continues to happen, no matter how much organizations try to mask it), neglecting one’s own physical and mental well-being, and huge societal pressure to be the best mom and wife while maintaining a successful career.
Amid the laughs and eyerolls, I went through a roller-coaster of emotions with the sitcom’s main characters. Their struggles became mine. I laughed with them, cried with them, got hurt for them. There were times when I saw myself in some of them. Up to the very last episode, which dropped last year, I felt like I was one of them, a part of their little group of “messy” working moms, trying very hard to excel at work and at being a wife and a mother.
It may sound funny, but watching the show made me feel less alone. “Ah, other people are going through the same thing, thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same emotions. It’s not just me,” I told myself. There are so many imperfect moms out there—it is really not just me. Somehow, this realization helped me learn to not be too hard on myself.
More than five years into my motherhood journey, I am still a work in progress. A workaholic since day one, I still struggle to strike a balance between career and home life. I tend to put myself last, when I know I should also prioritize me. One cannot pour from an empty cup, after all. My family sometimes suffers, too, as work becomes more of a priority. But I am constantly learning and trying to change.
To all my fellow working moms, do not be too hard on yourselves. You are trying your best and you are more than enough. Do not try to be a superwoman. Your child needs a mother, not a hero.
Happy Mother’s Day to all you imperfect moms out there. I hope you had a nice, relaxing day yesterday, free from work commitments and just relishing the gift of being a mother.
PR Matters is a roundtable column by members of the local chapter of the United Kingdom-based International Public Relations Association (Ipra), the world’s premier organization for PR professionals around the world. Abigail L. Ho-torres is AVP and Head of Customer Experience of Maynilad Water Services, Inc. She spent more than a decade as a business journalist before making the leap to the corporate world.
We are devoting a special column each month to answer our readers’ questions about public relations. Please send your questions or comments to askipraphil@gmail.com.