WHY CHRISTMAS MEANS A LOT MORE THIS YEAR
We’re all broken, but strangely enough, we’re also stronger and, hopefully, smarter, too
The rhythms of each passing day have lulled, pushed, pulled and shaken us into our new (I won’t say normal) courses. Over months, we have taken to new realizations and revelations of the soul.
Some who had never touched a wooden spoon before have now become masters of the oven. Some have no-ticed that office hours have multiplied as work extended far past cubicle confines. Some slept and slept and slept, as if catching up on years of sleepless nights.
Medical frontliners are still out there, helping fight off the virus.
I couldn’t help thinking about people who have not seen or hugged their loved ones. What about many others who have spent many nights expressing their innermost desires and intimate moments through lenses and screens?
Nicole Laurel: I was teary-eyed because people gave me no reason not to feel the spirit of Christmas.
What about those who had to bid goodbye to loved ones through an iPad? What about the unfortunate ones who lost everything in the calamities?
I snapped out of my thoughts. I told myself there is much to be grateful for. Tragedies happen all the time. But this year was different.
Sitting amid a pile of pinecones and tangled webs of half-working Christmas lights, I realized I’ve been scratching my head, wondering why I was putting up a Christmas tree when it was more than obvious that I wasn’t feeling festive.
I looked at the mess and thought I think I’ll stop for now, maybe try decorating again tomorrow. It was time to wash off the stray glitter and dust from the piles of Christmas decor.
While in the shower, I randomly hummed lyrics at a barely audible volume. I thought of the people and opportunities I missed dearly, maybe even places I would have traveled to by now, if there was no pandemic.
“It’s been a long, long year waiting, pushing our dreams aside… sitting by windows commiserating, waiting for the city lights to come alive.”
Indeed, many dreams were shelved. But I felt that I was exactly where I needed to be. There is, after all, a reason for everything.
Minus the fanfare and efforts to celebrate the birth of Christ, what truly is the meaning of Christmas? Wasn’t it about giving thanks, praise and glory for all that God has done for us?
“We’ll revel in the love of our savior above, Goodbye Blue December, Hello, love.”
A song is born
In 15 minutes, the song was born. The steam cleared from the room, I cleared away the lump in my throat, lit a can-dle, poured two small glasses of whisky and tapped Ira Cruz on the shoulder and said: “I think I have a Christmas song. Would you like to help me navigate through the melody and chords?”
As soon as Ira and I had recorded a simple demo, I called up a friend, the talented musical director and arranger Nikko Rivera. Nikko and his wife would often have pre-Christmas dinners with me, I missed them dearly and thought I’d ask him to arrange the song.
I was working with a very small budget. We couldn’t record it in a studio, and so we used our resources at home. We rounded up five musicians with home setups to help us: Lawrence Nolan on drums; Simon Tan, upright bass; Nikko himself, keys; Michael Guevarra, flute; and Lester Sorilla, trumpet.
After rigid protocols, they all came over to record the song in my attic. It went smoothly and was finished in two days, sent to Angee Rozul for mixing, and Abbey Road Studios UK for mastering.
As much as I wanted to draw out a narrative and have the band over in the video, going big on production didn’t make sense at this time.
So, we kept it simple as well with The Gward Inc.’s most skeletal crew and shot the music video solo in a friend’s home.
I’m truly grateful that friends from different corners of the industry helped me. My dresses were borrowed, my makeup was done by a college classmate, the location for the video shoot was provided by a friend.
I was teary-eyed because people gave me no reason not to feel the spirit of Christmas.
“If Christmas is the season for giving love, I’d give anything to be with you.”
The shoot was over and we had four days to edit. I trudged back into the steamy shower (where I get most my ideas), tired but fulfilled.
As dawn creeped in, I lit a candle and thought of my father in heaven, and friends who are also up there looking down at our crazy world, ex-lovers who’d never know how much has changed in the years between us.
We’re all broken, but strangely enough, we’re also stronger and, hopefully, smarter, too. We’re less about the decor and wrappers and more about the stuff inside — everything we’ve learned this year.
As 2021 approaches, one day we might celebrate the holidays with all the fanfare again. Life might slip back into the comforts we once knew, life as we knew it.
But I hope we remember that we don’t really need all of that glaze to draw meaning from a COVID-time Christmas, and that Christmas has not lost its meaning, but probably means a lot more now.
“One day we will share our special Christmas, and If I get lucky, then I’ll never let you go. If Christmas is the season for giving love, I will always love you more than you’ll ever know.”
“See you this Christmas.”