Think twice—maybe three times—be­fore hit­ting send on that

Esquire (Philippines) - - TABLE OF CONTENTS - By ANA P. SAN­TOS Art­work by TOKWA PEÑAFLORIDA

NOR­MALLY, WITH THE PROPER am­bi­ence, in a con­ducive venue, and with proper light­ing, I like a man with his pants down. Nor­mally. Get­ting a dick pic over on Twit­ter made me re-think my po­si­tion on this mat­ter. I held the vir­tual pe­nis in my hand and was gen­uinely puz­zled.

I felt em­bar­rassed—on his be­half. Here is a man who took the trou­ble of tak­ing off his pants, wank­ing ju­nior to at­ten­tion and stand­ing in front of a mir­ror to take a dick-selfie. He’s got balls, but un­for­tu­nately, not an eye for de­tails. He over­looked the need to take off his socks to stream­line the view. Not that it would re­deem the over­all aes­thetic of the photo, but hey, you went through all that ef­fort but fell short.

If the pur­pose is mar­ket­ing and sell­ing your­self, what would the old-fash­ioned for­mula of proper am­bi­ence, venue and light­ing do for a dick pic?

I rounded up some of my women friends— dick pic regulars, I’ll call them—to an­swer this ques­tion: when it comes to dick pics, what are the rules?

Jan, a 28-year-old re­searcher, gets dick pics from guys she ca­su­ally chats with on on­line dat­ing sites. “Some guys think they are be­stow­ing great bless­ing to us girls by send­ing pho­tos of their mag­nif­i­cent cocks. I can tell you they are not as mag­nif­i­cent as th­ese boys think. I think it’s quite ju­ve­nile to think that dick pics are ef­fec­tive pick up lines but it’s re­ally just meh.”

Mari­mar, a 23-year-old aca­demic who also gets her stock of dick pics clas­si­fies them into two cat­e­gories: so­licited and un­so­licited. “If it is un­so­licited, I feel vi­o­lated. It’s like he’s slapping his dick in my face out of nowhere. If it is so­licited, I am de­lighted. I have ca­joled a cou­ple of ex-boyfriends to send me dick pics.”

Un­so­licited dick pics gross out Carmela, a 29-year-old writer. “I’ve never ac­tu­ally asked for dick pics be­cause I’m not in­ter­ested in them. I don’t speak for all women when I say this, but most women aren’t ex­actly in­ter­ested in the way a pe­nis looks. It’s not that aes­thet­i­cally ap­peal­ing, and we’re turned on by other things. I dated a very fit and hand­some guy once who would send me pic­tures of his face and torso and those were a big­ger turn-on.

RULE #1 Con­sent is re­quired. If shov­ing your sch­long into some­one’s face isn’t a prac­tice IRL (in real life), don’t do it to some­one’s in­box.

“It’s not a very pleas­ing ex­pe­ri­ence to open a mes­sag­ing app to find...tadah, pe­nis!” says Bea, a com­mu­ni­ca­tions con­sul­tant. She of­fers some lee­way to those who need to be con­verted to dick pic, if not fans... well, ac­cep­tors. “If she doesn’t ask for it first, at least be malamb­ing and con­sid­er­ate and ma­ture as you at­tempt to build up their en­thu­si­asm. You aren’t sup­posed to force your dick onto any­one, vir­tu­ally or IRL.

RULE #2 Leave some­thing to the imag­i­na­tion. Take it from Carmela. “Women aren’t as vis­ual as men, so while you may be turned on by a photo of breasts, we’re a lit­tle more com­pli­cated to arouse.”

RULE #3 As­sum­ing you have se­cured con­sent, dick pics may be a wel­come sight, but terms and con­di­tions ap­ply.

“It’s hot when a guy shows that he is sex­u­ally at­tracted to you when there’s al­ready a cer­tain level of trust be­tween you,” says Jan. “It’s hot when you can trust each other enough to be sex­u­ally open. It’s another level of com­mu­ni­ca­tion and in­ti­macy,” says Jan.

RULE #4 Put some ef­fort into it.

Carmela gives out some tough love: “It’s a rare dude who knows how to take a good pic­ture. Se­ri­ously. A pic­ture of a float­ing pe­nis does noth­ing for me, and I know lots of women who will say the same.” She says there is lit­tle ex­cuse for a shabby dick pic. “Maybe get a lit­tle more cre­ative. Ditch the fromthe-top an­gle and be a lit­tle artis­tic in your pho­tog­ra­phy/com­po­si­tion. If you’re for­tu­nate enough to have that ‘V’ on the ab­domen that we lov­ingly call ‘sex cuts,’ in­clude that. Or send a full nude with your face cropped out. Be in­ven­tive.”

RULE #5 Be­ware the age of con­sent. Plus, the In­ter­net never for­gets.

I have two words for you: An­thony Weiner. The Amer­i­can con­gress­man made head­lines when he was caught send­ing dick pics to a mi­nor on two sep­a­rate oc­ca­sions.

So that thing about age, “ac­ci­den­tally” send­ing your dick pic to a mi­nor is a felony in many parts of the world. The dig­i­tal world is both tem­po­ral and per­ma­nent. The In­ter­net never for­gets. Be aware that in­clud­ing your face in a dick pic may not be a good idea—it may be on­line for a very long time. And it won’t make for a good throw­back pic­ture.

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