Three things to give up

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N today’s gospel reading, Jesus praises the widow who gave God everything that she had (Mk. 12:4144). But oftentimes, God wants us not to give, but to give up things, especially those that turn us away from Him.

There were three such things that I struggled to give up. First was the faith that I had embraced and cherished for many years. I had been brought up in a faith that imprisoned me in a fantasy world of quick fixes and easy solutions. When confronted by seemingly insurmountable problems and difficulties, I would turn to God whom I regarded as a genie in a bottle or my personal magician.

For a long time, I was like false charismatics who attend prayer meetings not to be renewed or converted, but to have an emotional high and a temporary relief from their miseries. I was no different from those who devoutly prayed for hours before rushing to lotto outlets to bet on their numbers. I had the same faith as those televangelists and cult leaders who equate God with prosperity, good luck, and success.

I had to give up that faith because it was focused, not on a God whom I must praise, adore, and love, but one whom I can use.

Second, I had to give up the hope that, for a long while made me think that grace always works “outside-in,” not “inside-out.” Hope is the passion for the possible, but I measured the possibilities available to me in terms of the rain that falls from sky. I ignored the inexhaustible inner spring or fountain that wells within me.

Afflicted with a false hope, when I was a student I used to pray for wishbones, instead of a strong backbone. I prayed for luck, not pluck; for pull, not push. I was no different from board or bar examinees who asked priests to bless their ballpens and pencils, as though these would write the correct answers even if they did not study.

I gave up that hope because it was nothing but a crutch. I waited for God to do for me what I could very well do for myself. I allowed God to act only with my permission and according to my specifications.

Finally, I had to give up the kind of love that shaped my relationship with God. I thought loving God meant exerting enough effort so He would notice my dedication and, in return, grant me the favors I ask. I realized later that in doing this, I was not really loving God. I was piling up good acts as evidence that I deserved His love. I was like the pharisees whom Jesus criticized because they thought they could bribe God with their devotion to duty.

God does not want to be an object of duty and obligation. He wants to be desired, to be needed, to be wanted, and above all, to be passionately loved.

Do you practice a faith that harms rather than heals? Does your hope lead you to the god whom you want because of His usefulness? Is our love for God like a business transaction?

Toxic faith, illusory hope, and transactional love — give these up! And pray that, through His grace, these would come back to you transformed, renewed, and made true.