When your child has a crush

Ah, the joys of being a parent. The loving wonder you get seeing your child grow. From a toddler to a child, to a tween. Then, there is this mysterious instance where they go from your little children to someone different. They are more “broody” and conscious about how they look, how they present themselves and even at times they are conscious of being with you in public. Guess what? Your little youngsters are now maturing and, in all likelihood, crushing on someone!

It’s a rather amazing yet difficult moment for parents, since all the insecurities of your kids growing up too fast come crashing down on our poor heads. You feel that they are no longer your “little boys and girls” and that they are now really growing up. It is, at this time, that we need to change our tactics as parents.

When a child has a crush on someone, it is usually a very intense moment for the kids. Moments of shyness, insecurity and fear tend to over come the tweens as they begin to question their own value. It is, at this moment, that we as parents need to fire ourselves as the managers of our children’s lives so that they can hire you as consultants.

GAIN THEIR TRUST

The best form of communication begins by respecting the child’s privacy and need for space. There will be times that they just want to be in their rooms all day and be left alone. At this point, you need to honor this. If you force them out of their safe spaces, you will come off as intruders and invaders. This will cause them to block you off even more. Forensic investigating their rooms, phones, journals and diaries is one of the biggest no-no’s, only to be used in the most extreme of cases. If the tweens feel they can’t trust you, they will resent you and this will only further strain the relationship.

RESPECT AND ACCEPT

Next comes the role of respecting their preference. Gone are the days when parents will enforce that only this kind of person/race/color/social standard are allowed for their children. Because let’s face it, many of us didn’t like it when this was done to us, so we shouldn’t do the same to our own children. The same goes for sexual preference. If your child is attracted to a member of the same sex, acceptance is the beginning of all forms of love and respect.

ALWAYS BE THERE FOR THEM

The next step involves you being councilors to your tweens, but only when they approach you with their concerns. Never should you push or demand for them to reveal everything, as it will only cause them to clam up even further. Implementing an open door policy and letting them know that you will be there for them any time they need you is a good way of letting them come to you on their own terms.

With my own son, we have a phrase he can use that if he starts a sentence with this, I will gladly drop everything I’m doing and give him my full attention. Thankfully, he hasn’t had the need to use it yet. But the fact that he knows it’s there gives him security. When they do start sharing, we should be ready to listen and should refrain from giving them a lecture and dictate upon them. After all, it is their own process and all you can do is be there for them.

Heartbreaks and moody states are all part of what our beloved tweens will experience. At the end of the day, you will always be there to help them pick up the pieces, assuring them of the unconditional love you have for them. And they will remember these moments, and love you even more.

Robert Rubin is the author of The Intuitive Within and founder of Mysterium Philippines and is the leading Tarot Authority in the country with over 23 years of experience. He is married and has 2 lovely children, a Daschund named Isis, and 3 Lovely cats (Ajna, Puff and Luminara). You may learn more about Rob at www. RobRubinReadings.com or www. IntuitiveWithin.com