PAPA’S LESSONS
Taking down notes from one awesome dad
Iwas an only child for eight years. Some of my fondest memories with my dad Toby Gatchalian include knocking down lines of dominoes, playing music and singing together, going out on father-daughter dates, and visiting him in his office. Life was great, but we were all looking for something more.
When I heard the news that I was about to have a sibling, I was pretty excited. But I must admit, it wasn’t everything we hoped it would be. My brother Luis was diagnosed with autism at the age of four, and my understanding of it came along through the years. I had to grow up pretty fast. But growing up quick was easier when you have your dad as your role model. Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned from my dad along the way.
Make time
My dad has always been very involved. I remember my parents talking about bills and budgeting, and
Luis’ therapy was always part of the topic. It never bothered me, because I knew that it was a priority. My dad never missed an opportunity to make Luis’ life as “normal” as he could: Take him out to trampoline parks and the mall to buy toy cars, enroll him in piano lessons, etc.
Relax and let go
My mom Chie and I would secondguess taking Luis out to see a film or interact with others in public. I think maybe because we were a little more high-strung, we wanted to lessen the risk of someone making fun of him or getting upset at him for being too loud in the theater. But my dad never seemed to care. In fact, he encouraged the interactions and to laugh a little too loudly in the theater, because that was Luis. Because of my dad, I learned to let go a little, most especially when it came to raising my brother.
No to burnouts
I’ve always been pretty hardworking and persistent, but it can sometimes take a toll on me. I know I can always talk to him about mental health-related issues because he’s been through all of that. I recently decided to take online counselling sessions and he’s been very supportive of that.
Family will always be there
Our family is always right behind us, even when we don’t necessarily think we need them. Because of the lockdown, I’ve been talking to family more than I would be if I were in school full-time again. It’s made me realize that it’s nice having them call me whenever I need them. My dad’s always able to pop on Zoom if ever I need a chat.
Listen to good music
Pretty self-explanatory. Good music helps you cope with the bad. My dad has a great voice and really good music taste. We like to share playlists. He also plays guitar and sings with me.
I am grateful for many things, along with his generosity of his time and his support to any of our family members. I can always depend on him to be there for me. There are a lot of things my dad has sacrificed for me and our family and I just want him to know that he deserves to feel purposeful and fulfilled in himself, in whatever capacity that may be.
In fact, he encouraged the interactions and to laugh a little too loudly in the theater, because that was Luis.