Peace in the family
Each family is a God-given treasure. But a treasure is only as good as the hands on which it rests. Today, we need hands that restore peace, not only to individuals, but to the family as a whole.
Families need healing. When you toss a stone into a pool, the ripples continue long after the stone has reached the bottom. In like manner, the pain and hurt of the past, though perhaps cured at the level of the individual, continue to foster needless conflicts and division within the family.
The proliferation of family therapy centers proves that many people want to be healed from the damage inflicted on them by family life. However, the late psychotherapist Karl Menninger acknowledged that therapy may address the psychological trauma within a family, but it cannot cure the damage caused by human sinfulness.
One might ask: “How can my moral transgressions affect my family? Sin is a private thing between myself and God.” In reality, there is no such thing as a private sin. All sins will eventually hurt the family, even those that a person commits routinely and in secret. St. Paul wrote: “We are one body, the Body of Christ. If one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it” (1 Corinthians 12:12,27). Or, as we say in Filipino, “Ang sakit ng kalingkingan ay sakit ng buong katawan.”
Sin has the power to destroy the peace that reigns in a family. It typically begins when a member intends to commit a sin and hatches plots to make it happen. This creates anxiety that fractures his harmonious relation with the other members of the family. Also, the fear of being found out looms over his head like a sword, compounding his distress. When the sinful act is done, guilt, shame, and regret haunt him because he has compromised his moral principles and integrity.
To alleviate these negative emotions, he may look for scapegoats on which to put the blame. He might say: “The media, the internet, my friends, and my upbringing made me do it.” Or, he rationalizes or justifies the sin by saying, “Anyway, everybody is doing it,” or “I can't help myself because I was born this way.” Scapegoating and rationalization do not give him peace. They only desensitize his conscience, perpetuating a vicious cycle of sin, concealment, denial, and pretense.
The essence of sin is separation, a breaking away from a beloved. When sin becomes habitual, family members are racked by a pervasive sense of brokenness or a lack of wholeness. Ultimately, sin becomes second nature to them, and they no longer feel the need to seek forgiveness. They become susceptible to what Jesus called the “sin against the Holy Spirit,” which is unforgivable because, how can a person be forgiven when he feels no need for it or wilfully refuses it?
In today’s Gospel reading, Jesus’s disciples are a picture of a family torn by fear, regret, and guilt. His greeting — “Peace be with you,” — brings with it the forgiveness that they have been longing for. This gives them the strength to face up to their mistakes and move forward in faith and hope. Being forgiven by Jesus, they become instruments of forgiveness for others. As the gospel says, “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained” (John 20:20-23).
Karl Menninger gave this timely advice to families who are searching for peace: “Many psychic and psychological afflictions are due to sins that we refuse to confess. Psychotherapy is a poor substitute to going to confession. The best solution is absolution.” We can add: “Psychotherapy is expensive, absolution is free of charge.”
The essence of sin is separation, a breaking away from a beloved. When sin becomes habitual, family members are racked by a pervasive sense of brokenness or a lack of wholeness.