The curious case of Debbie Downer
IT just dawned on me that I have been in the workforce for over 15 years and in those experiences, I have not only seen many characters, but I have also been many of them.
I have been the overly eager fresh graduate, the annoying mid-level employee who carries resentment over not being promoted or recognized, and finally, the calm “older” employee in the room. Through the years, I have been fortunate enough to be molded by both kind and challenging mentors and have discovered life’s biggest golden nugget: each experience is a teacher, and we just have to remain open to it.
The same is true for the case of Debbie Downer. If you have been in the workforce for more than a month, you may have experienced her. Debbie Downer is the one who has a complaint about everything and yet also has a strong desire to be the boss’ pet. So to ensure her position, she is unafraid to throw everyone and anyone under the bus.
Dealing with a Debbie Downer can be quite exhausting because a.) she carries within her a negative spirit that permeates through everything and everyone; b.) she is like a chameleon who changes colors when the higher ups confront her about the chaos she is creating; and c.) she doesn’t have the desire to be a team player because she cannot take that spotlight to be on someone else.
Stay calm
Debbie Downers carry the energy of chaos. Everything is urgent and everything is a problem even when it’s not. The solution is to remain calm and responsive rather than reactive.
Debbie Downers have the tendency to poke people until they react so it seems like you are the unstable one. The secret is to remain calm, no matter what. And to keep receipts — this is what ultimately protects you from whatever Debbie has planned next.
Stick to your boundaries
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean that you have to be loud about it, but it is surely a must. When Debbie Downer’s antics already get in the way of good work, speaking up is important.
Expressing your thoughts and concerns with the appropriate bosses is necessary but make sure you stick to the facts and never show that it’s personal for you. Set your work boundaries with your bosses.
Be careful with your words
And this is the truth, even a well-meaning quote will be turned into something malicious, and it will definitely be used against you.
The key is to remain neutral when speaking to her and stick to work-related concerns. As much as it’s fun to gripe about a client or a project at the end of a long day, it’s never safe to do so with someone like Debbie Downer.
Understand the core problem
At the core of Debbie Downer’s antics is a desire to be loved, recognized, and accepted. When we see Debbie Downer this way, we move from being combative to sympathetic. We understand because at one point or another, we have been a Debbie Downer.
Now, it’s not our job to fix her — especially if she doesn’t see anything wrong with her antics — but knowing this information is enough to know that it has nothing to do with you. These details will allow you to take a deep breath and walk away when she continues to challenge you.
She is your mirror
Every person we meet is teaching us a lesson that we need to learn and this is especially true for the Debbie Downers in our lives.
The trick is to ask, what is this person teaching me? What is she triggering within me and how can I heal that part of me so I feel safe? What was meant to be a situation that destroys another can be a victory if we learn to look at it positively.
Having a Debbie Downer in our lives is challenging and excruciating but when we learn to overcome it by looking inward and strengthening ourselves from within, we win.