Will (social) distance make the heart grow fonder? One writer checks in on love quarantined

How do you cope when your city is under a community quarantine?

My current work from home schedule looks something like this: I wake up, try to squeeze in a workout, attend to meetings or phone interviews, have lunch, go back to work, and read in my spare time. Throughout the day, I’m exchanging messages with my partner and a few times a week we have video calls on Skype. The funny thing is that we’re not in a long distance relationship (we live 13 miles apart). As I’m typing this, Metro Manila is on a community quarantine to combat the spread of COVID-19, and this has simply become the norm for many couples who don’t cohabit.

None of us saw this coming. When the first few cases quickly grew to the first hundred, there was a sense of panic that was too palpable. With the announcement of the quarantine, meetings and events were cancelled, rumors started to spread, and things were—and continue to be—very much up in the air. The news has been quite difficult to watch. From our screens, we could see how this order favored the upper class, many still having to choose between going to work and risking the virus or staying home with nothing to feed their families. “There is no struggle of power here, it is just a matter of protecting and defending you from COVID-19,” the president mumbled on his microphone, proceeding to talk about discipline. Of course there is a power struggle. But for now, we will simply have to see what else our government can do and try to help in our own little ways, through donations and spreading the word.

All this I read in the form of daily news articles shared to each other. “If anything, the fragility of life is more real than ever,” my boyfriend tells me. Like many couples who are suddenly placed in a long distance relationship without much warning, we continue to plod on, reflecting more on life in the process. “You start to see what really matters, like this relationship,” he adds. I tell him I’ll give him a hug when I see him. But right now, a hugging emoji seems to do.

When I check up on my single friends, I ask them how the dynamic in dating apps like Tinder or Bumble have changed. To one of my friends, it seems as if there is more to talk about, as there are no expectations. “If I really click with someone, then I’ll think about meeting them when all this is over. For now, it’s nice to get to know people,” he tells me. In the United States, Newsweek reported that the dating app #Open recommends users to make use of video and phone calls for now. “If you can lean into the fact that we’re going to be in our individual homes for a little bit, take this opportunity to work on your communication skills and play the long game. We’re going to have a little bit of delayed gratification for society right now,” stated #Open’s co-founder Amanda Wilson.

How about those already in a long distance relationship? “I actually have more time for our Skype dates since I’m working from home,” a colleague in an LDR shares to me, adding that she is slowly learning to manage her time better. There are a few things we can learn from these couples. She tells me that one tip she can share is to spend an hour or two just talking, giving each other your undivided attention. “The idea is that at the end of it all, you’ll be together anyway. So that goal makes this all bearable,” she adds.

Her last message rings true, especially when at times, it can feel like you are looking down at an abyss. We don’t know when or how this will all end, but one thing is for sure: we should all come out from this stronger. When things go awry, you should check up on who matters most to you, spending time with family, connecting with friends and partners who seem far away at this time. For now, most of our relationships will have to exist in our sterilized phone screens.

GOING THE DISTANCE

At the end of this all, we should only come out of it stronger