These stylish women share the best things they’ve learned about being a mother

Motherhood is a journey not everyone takes, but for those who do, it becomes a life marked by extraordinary love and—sometimes—bittersweet learning

Not everyone wants to become a mother and that’s all right. But for those who do, or who are thrust into the responsibility of raising children, it often becomes an all-consuming role. From pregnancy to giving birth and motherhood, women often feel the push and pull of what they want to do and what needs to be done. Most societies have long expected women to give up everything for their children, to always prioritize their wellbeing and livelihood. Feminism has changed this outlook, given others the chance to seek out careers and other paths to selffulfillment, but it has also somehow warped and added to the expectations of mothers: you have to be both—a great mom, an excellent career woman, an extraordinary wife, and the list goes on.

Ask any mom and there’s bound to be at least a moment or two of bittersweet sacrifice on their end. You can have it all, but not all the time. We often celebrate women who seem to have the latter in spades, but never talk about the times when the burden becomes too great or when the guilt kicks in. "You’ll never feel enough,” a friend and mother of two told me once. "When you’re in the office you feel guilty for not being with the kids, but when you’re home, you feel guilty you didn’t work enough.” The words of wisdom and the commiseration go on ad nauseam—we certainly will hear it a lot when Mother’s Day rolls in—but here’s the sobering fact: it’s going to bug you all your life, so you better learn to live with it or become at peace with the fact that the picture-perfect ideal are fleeting moments that fly away as soon as you realize it’s happening. Like the softness of an infant giving way to hard edges of childhood, and on to the uncertainty of adolescence, motherhood too changes, ebbing and flowing, insanely joyous one moment and then despairing the next.

"You become more of who you are,” is a statement my mother friends and I throw around a lot. Sure, you’ll learn new things, and some things will mellow like a stone overrun by the river and some things will be honed to a knife’s edge, but if you were always bubbly and cheerful—as Kelly Misa, one of our featured women here, is—then you’ll be a sweet-natured mom who always turns to the sun. And if you find yourself constantly challenged and hunkering down with a can-do attitude—as model mom Sam Lewis tells us—then so you will become the mom who can—and will—do anything. Motherhood doesn’t become you, it simply becomes a part of who you are, stretching you out in a ways you didn’t know you could. And when the days seem bleak, check out Celine Gabriel, whose journey to becoming a mother was long and arduous, the stuff of legends. Her simple, wisened, serene approach to balancing motherhood and the rest of her life is something hard-earned, but well worth the effort.

Oh, and let’s forget the guilt. Yes, it’s easier said than done, but heed the words of wisdom from Jackie Go: let it go. Yes, it’s from that song. No, you don’t have to watch the cartoon even if your kid wants too. It’s fine. It’s not for everyone.

CHECKS AND BALANCE

Motherhood can be an allconsuming role for many women

KELLY MISA

Becoming a mother is one of the best things that happened to me. It has been life changing and wonderful, so much so that I can’t recall anything more worthwhile that happened before having my son Tristan. I mean, of course, there was the time when I met my husband and got married, and when I started my modeling career, which eventually led me to become a television host, blogger/vlogger and a mommy influencer. But nothing can ever top this. Having a child and becoming a mother is a blessing I am grateful for every single day.

I love how these different facets of my life came together and meshed organically. I am very thankful I am able to share my motherhood journey on my blog and YouTube channel, as well as on my Instagram account. The job mommy influencer did not exist until very recently, and I couldn’t be happier I am one now. I love that my work has allowed me to stay home and spend plenty of time with my son, and that I get to take him to events and trips around the Philippines and around the world along with me and my husband.

When it comes to the critical choices I’ve had to make in relation to motherhood, love and my career, I cannot think of any. Though when I gave birth I really believed that it was the end of my career and that I would have to step back from social media. The opposite happened, however, and in a lot of ways my followers could now relate to me. I get constant feedback and comments about my motherhood approach, which I am very happy to share in Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and my blog www.kellymisa.com.

CELINE GABRIEL

Becoming a mother has really changed my life, but in a way that I love. It certainly hasn’t been easy and there have been many sacrifices along the way, but it’s taught me that while I can work hard and make the best plans, I am not in total control of everything—and that’s okay.

Work-wise, my priorities have shifted as well. Now, before I take on a project, or before I make a big decision, I always think: how will this affect my family? Will it take too much time away from my husband and my daughter? Because family is the most important thing to me. They are always part of the equation.

And on a much more personal level, how I choose to spend my time and with whom are all carefully considered. As I raise a daughter, time has become the most valuable commodity, and I want to use it wisely—to seek joy, to seek spirituality and to surround ourselves only with those who add love and light into our world.

SAM LEWIS

Honestly, I owe balancing motherhood and having a career to my own mother. I hear people say they are proud of me for being a single parent to my son and providing for us. Truth is, I am able to do it because of my mom. I have the confidence to go out and work because I know my son is in safe hands as my mom watches over him. In the days I don’t have to work, I take care of my son. I try to plan activities we can do together so we can bond and my mom gets to rest also.

I’ve always been a working mom. Before having my son, I took on any work so I could pay for the bills and save some money, so long as I didn’t step on other people’s toes. I didn’t mind starting from the bottom and I am eager to learn new things. I’ve worked as an intern with no pay for a couple of months before being absorbed as a regular employee — I didn’t have any background in the field so considering I was not really qualified, I was very grateful for the opportunity and things I have learned.

When I was living in London, I worked part time waiting tables and was a cashier. Since having my son, this idea of what needed to be done to survive was reinforced; I would do anything to be able to provide for him, not to spoil him but to give him the best I can. He inspires me to be better. He makes me want to strive more. If I have to work two jobs to make ends meet, then I would do so. Anything for him.

JACKIE GO

Cliché as it sounds, I’ve always looked forward to becoming a homemaker and a mom when I was young. The obligation to nurture was something I always prioritized. Thankfully my work does not require me to do a 9-to-5, so I guess it’s easier to juggle motherhood and my career.

Ironically, the reason why I have this "career” is because of my kids. I started blogging back in 2010 because friends were asking about the products and services I tried when I was pregnant with my first child (I got married young then got pregnant 6 months after).

Whenever people ask me how I balance motherhood and career, I always have this image of a double pan balance scale. Ideally, the two pans should have similar weight, but in reality it doesn’t. It’s the same principle I apply to my life as a mom and blogger: balancing both roles isn’t always equal. Some days my kids would demand more of me, other days my career. But I lean on the fact that it’s okay if the scale isn’t always perfectly balanced. I let go of the guilt I often used to feel whenever I had to attend work commitments and be on blogger mode instead of mom mode. I accept projects and campaigns that are only relevant to me and have declined a lot of them, even if some were great opportunities for my career growth. This is because on most days, I’m on mom mode.

I honestly think being a working mom has helped me become a better mom because my kids are my biggest motivators. There’s a profound satisfaction when your own kids acknowledge your work and are proud of who you are apart from being their mother. My career has given me more drive to be a better mom. To excel in something I like doing that gives me a sense of fulfillment, which in return makes me a better person, better wife, better mom. I also want to set an example to my kids, especially my daughter, so they understand that having a child won’t prevent them from pursuing a career they want in the future. On the other hand, motherhood has greatly attributed to my work ethic, given how social media and the blogging industry are still fairly new. It’s anchored on the values and virtues I try to live by and hopefully influence my kids with.

I’m about to celebrate my 10th year blogging this May and if there’s a thing I’ve learned about finding my footing in the different roles I play, it’s to make mindful choices. Choices that can help alleviate overwhelming days—when I feel I’ve lost control of the delicate balance of motherhood and career we all long to achieve.