Stumbling blocks for friends turned lovers
Friends to Lovers?” is a reality show that makes for provocative viewing, because it challenges “best friends” to step away from their comfort zone and consider each other as possible spouse material!
This key shift (from agape or platonic love to eros or passion) appears to be a logical conclusion for some BFFs, because they know each other inside-out so they can successfully make the big transition.
But, as the BFFs featured on “Friends to Lovers?” discover to their befuddlement and consternation, the key transition is by no means as easy and “logical” as it initially appears.
One couple went out on an initial date and had a great time—until the guy intimated that, before he could make a commitment to become the gal’s boyfriend, he first had to see if they were sexually compatible!
The lady felt like a sex object and took umbrage at his “requirement.” He tried to placate and mollify her—but he made things worse when he asked, in his clumsy defense, “Would you buy a car without test-driving it first?”
That’s when she really hit the roof and walked out of the date—and, quite possibly, out of their four-year friendship—for good and bad!”
A second couple met its own sticking or stumbling point when the young woman insisted that her male friend (and prospective love) promise to stop communicating with his ex-girlfriend.
The requirement appeared to be reasonable in the light of their potentially new relationship.
But, he felt that, if he acceeded to her request, stipulation or demand (as the case may be), it could be the start of a series of other requirements on her part that he would have to comply with!
Well, she didn’t like that reaction, so the evening turned out badly for them, as well!
As for the third couple in the telecast, two gay friends figuring out if they could become lovers weren’t happy, either, because one was rushing the other to make the shift in relationship too fast.
So, at the end of the telecast, viewers empathetically realized that the “friends to lovers” shift is much more complicated than initially thought and felt.
Even if the BFFs knew each other “inside- out” as friends, the new romantic or passionate context drastically changed the parameters of the new relationship, making the best friends feel awkward, adrift and deprived of familiar signposts and touchstones that had served them well as friends.
Romantic love is a new ballgame for the friends involved—and, if the couples don’t adjust to the big changes, there are no winners—and the game is lost!
To fare better in the new relationship they’re exploring and trying on for size, the couples have to realize that they have to see each other in a suitably new light.
They shouldn’t depend on their time-earned knowledge of one another to solve the problems that crop up—because the “friendly” solutions and insights can no longer apply.
Yes, agape and eros are both expressions of love, but the emotions, affections and passions they elicit and evoke are distinctly and even radically different, so it’s time to—start from scratch!