Transitioning: The story of a transgender father
“W hen I was young, I thought I was a lesbian. But it didn’t feel right. I feel that there’s something more.”
Sales supervisor Jhen Latorre, 33, did not know what being a transman meant when he was a child, but he knew he was special. Enrolled in an all-girls school at the time, he knew he’s attracted to girls. It was only five years ago, however, when everything all made sense to him. He met someone from Pinoy FTM (Filipino Transgender and Transsexual Men), a transgender rights advocacy group established in 2011, and changed the way he sees himself.
“I am the T in LGBT,” he proclaims.
More than his sexual orientation, Latorre felt he’s always been detached from the usual feminine stereotypes. He didn’t like to dress up. When most of his classmates gawked at handsome men, he couldn’t care less. “In my mind and heart, I am male,” he said.
He knew there needs to be an alignment. After discovering Pinoy FTM, he was happy but still a bit scared. “Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ihaharap ang sarili ko sa mga tao, lalo na
sa pamilya at mga kaibigan ko. Hindi ko alam kung tatanggapin pa din ba nila ako or baka
ayawan nila ako,” he said. In 2014, he “officially” transitioned. Fortunately, there were no judgments, no questions and no violent reactions from his family. He did not have to sit down and make everything dramatic. His family simply treated him like how he’s been treated all his life--with much love and respect.
Joining PFTM also opened his world to the realities that people like him have to get used to. “Maraming kagaya ko na mas nakakaintindi sa pinagdadaanan ko, at kung paano makikitungo sa tao at paano paghahandaan ang posibleng diskriminasyon sa opisina at sa pamilya,” he shares. Latorre considers PFTM his second family. He also has the full support of his girlfriend, Carmi, who even administered his testosterone shots during the early months of his transition. He’s happier than he’s ever been, for he has always been ready for the physical and emotional challenges that come with it.
“When you transition, everybody transitions with you,” he says.
Transcending fatherhood
Another big stage in his journey is deciding to be a father to two adopted kids.
His eldest Jasper Joshua, now almost 10, came into his life through his mother. “Inilapit siya sa mama ko. Yung
nanay niya, with three children. Sabi ni mama, since hindi naman na daw sya magkakaapo sakin, so I’d rather have the baby,” Latorre shares. “My mom said I was the best person to take of him.” He’s always wanted to have a kid so this blessing was hard to pass up.
Meanwhile, his daughter came into his life when her former help chose to give up to provide for the kid because she already has four children. So he and Carmi adopted her.
“As a transgender father, wala naman ’tong pagkakaiba sa kung kanino mag-ama. It wouldn’t make me less of a father if I am a transman,” Latorre shares. “Kung ano man ang kailangan ng mga anak ko, naibibigay ko naman. Tinuturuan ko ang mga anak ko na kailangan matutong rumespeto. Lahat ng klase ng magulang naman, tinuturuan ang mga anak nila na maging isang mabuting tao at marunong makisama.”
Latorre hopes that his children will one day live in a society where there is more room for acceptance for people who are different.
“To be honest, my kids still
do not fully understand about me being a transgender, but I will make sure that they grow up with a lot of love, understanding and acceptance,” he
says. “Mababait ang mga anak ko, at malalapit sila sa akin. Kahit na hindi sila nangggaling sa ’kin, alam ko na sa pagmamahal at pag-aalaga ko sa kanila, maiintindihan din nila.”
Being a father, Latorre realizes that he should be much braver, not only to protect himself as a transgender in a sometimes indifferent or hostile world, but also to protect his family. His eldest son is slowly coming to terms with his transgender father and Latorre eases him to his chosen life. He would also expose them to the LGBT advocacy, even bringing them to the Metro Manila Pride March.
For Latorre, transitioning is a slow process but people should always believe in the perfect timing. “Your family will always be your family. It’ll be hard to understand at first, but in time, they will. Not by mere choice but by love.”