Channeling Popoy

If this were one of those cheesy 2000s movies, Popoy would have hurled expletives at you and lectured you about how the “three-month” rule works. However, you are no Bea Alonzo and I am no John Lloyd Cruz, and what we should not have is “One More Chance.”

It is funny to think that, just two months ago, a once joyful, carefree and happy soul was crushed by an accusation of immaturity, insensitivity and shallowness. The accusations, while having some ground, should not be material enough to sever a relationship built during the last half decade. But from that moment, I became the bad guy—the one who caused our relationship to crumble to the ground.

Then, with tears still running down my face, a rash promise of change was made. Blinded by the allegations of immaturity, I asked you to wait just a little longer and see me grow. But you were intent on leaving, saying you couldn’t see a future with me anymore. Close-minded, I told myself that I would be working on myself, and you’d be back later.

But, hours after saying that I caused the separation, you had barbecue with him near the place I was drinking. A day after, you had already introduced him to all your friends. A week passed, and you already had flowers from him that essentially announced to the world that he is the one.

I am no smart man, but it does not take a genius to put two and two together: I was cheated on.

It broke me. Because compared to you, my loyalty was unquestionable, my dedication unparalleled and my faith unrelenting. The question of “how was she able to do this to me” became a haunting echo that gave me a couple of sleepless nights.

But then, I realized there is no point in dwelling in things that I couldn’t control. You left me for someone else; it may be a hard pill to swallow, but I had to down it nonetheless. What is the point of staying in a homewhen you know it is already burning down to a pile of rubble? I had to drag myself out of misery and move on.

Strangely, moving on from someone who cheated on me was an easy thing to do. I experienced none of the clichés of forever drunkenness. I just had to fashion my mind into focusing on finding happiness, and that was where I would go. My memories of you were good while they lasted, but now they became merely vague figments that I had to let go.

My happiness, I told myself, shall never be dependent on another person. I should work on it myself.

However, fate is suspect. In one’s quest to move forward and grow stronger, the past would always knock and challenge the armor one has built. In the backdrop of my favorite coffee shop, I learned of your engagement. You were all smiles, while here I was, questioning your seemingly rushed decision. I remember that you were never a good judge of circumstance. The Popoy in me was triggered.

But, as I looked at your smile, I realized one thing. That was the smile you had when you first said that you loved me. That was the smile, despite how crooked those teeth were, that I fell for. I knew then that you had found it—happiness.

I sacrificed a lot of things for us, to create a world where I could provide you with the happiness you were seeking for your entire life. I do not regret doing those things for you, but I have realized the expense I had to pay just to do those things. I forgot myself and forgot what made me who I am when you met me.

I made you my source of happiness. It is just now that I realized that what I felt was never true happiness, but a mere addiction to the feeling of being with you. And just like an addict, when I lost my drug, I felt I had lost the world.

Now, I see your smile again: that one true smile that had found what it has been searching for over the last 30 or so years. I will never know if I can give it to you, but you were able to find it yourself. It is time to fully let go.

Popoy said that people that we love leave us because there will be someone better who will come later. That someone better may not be another person, but a better version of one’s self. Wedo not need another person to remind us that we are loved to be happy. Wejust need to work on ourselves, and realize that the sunshine we are looking for is just within us. As for you, I wish nothing but happiness.

———— BNDG, 26, is a big fan of “OneMore Chance.”