WHAT PICTURES ARE YOU PAINTING IN YOUR KIDS’ MINDS DURING THE PANDEMIC?
‘Be where they are, be in their lives. Ask them to teach you Tiktok. Is your child a BTS fan? Maging fan ka na rin’
In the Academy Award-winning movie “Life Is Beautiful” (1997), a Jewish father makes his son see their life in a concentration camp as fun and exciting. Without trivializing the Holocaust, the strong father-son relationship withstands all heartache as the dad relentlessly manages to find humor and optimism against the grim setting.
Today’s parents have the COVID-19 pandemic as a backdrop. What pictures are we painting in the minds of our kids during this crisis?
Over Father’s Day weekend, Brotherhood of Christian Businessmen and Professionals Alabang East Chapter sponsored an online talk by motivational speaker Arun Gogna based on his book, “Lasting Gifts You Can Give Your Children.”
“We’re in a pandemic? I’m excited for you!” Gogna advised his audience to tell their children. “Look at the pandemic as something that can make you better. There are bad things happening, but see them as disguised blessings. Like exes, buti naghiwalay kayo (good you separated) and you found someone else.”
Valued and loved
He shared some tips for parents to show their children how much they are valued and loved.
“Avoid AKNY—alam ko na ’yan (I already know that),” he said. “When you say that, you are not listening to your children anymore.”
Making your kids feel that their thoughts and ideas are important, that you will stop whatever you are doing for them, that you enjoy life with them are images that will last in their minds.
“Believe in your children so they can believe in themselves,” said Gogna. The words ‘I believe in you’ can mean the difference between the fear of failure and the courage to try. When a parent believes in you, you begin to believe in yourself.
He told the story of US Olympic gold medalist Wilma Rudolph, whose doctors told her as a child that she might not be able to walk, but that her mother told her she would, so she believed her mother.
Instead of canned, overused statements like “You’re a great kid,” Gogna said that variations of “I believe in you” such as “I knew you could do it!” “You’re doing much better,” “You’re on the right track” and “That’s a great idea!” all come across as more authentic.
He also shared the story of Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison, who said, “Long before I was a success, my parents made me feel like I could be one.”
Gogna relayed another story about an elementary school teacher who told her students they had high IQs. They didn’t, really; the teacher thought that a list of locker numbers was their test results. She didn’t have the heart to reveal her mistake and it purportedly changed the students’ lives.
Express belief in them
“Teachers are our children’s second parents,” said Gogna. “How much more if parents believe in them? Express your belief for your children now, just the way they are—void of pressure to perform well.”
He recounted the Bible story of how Jesus hadn’t even begun His mission yet, when, during His baptism, “A voice from heaven said, ‘This is My Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased,’ (Matthew 3:17),” even when He was just a carpenter then, before all His accomplishments.
Lastly, Gogna advised to give roots. “To be in your children’s memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today,” he said.
“Be where they are. Want to be in their lives. Ask them to teach you TikTok. Is your child a BTS fan? Maging fan ka na rin. Make their dreams come true,” Gogna said, recounting a time he drove his child to a much-awaited concert.
He also recommended worrying less about what other parents think and more about what your child hears.
“Parenting is not how you treat your children; it’s how you treat your spouse. Kids are always watching.”