5 crazy societal expectations we need to rethink

The key is to be more empathetic and less judgmental

Are you one to stutter in the face of high expectations from society, others and even yourself? No worries, I assure you that you aren’t alone.

On the one hand, we need expectations. Expectations assure us that we won’t live a mediocre life and remind us that we ought to use our talents and gifts for a purpose. Expectations to be loving parents, knowledgeable teachers, empathetic employers and hardworking employees all help keep society afloat. On the other hand, though, we also are human, not robots. We have our limitations.

Below is a list of what I believe are five societal expectations that we need to reconsider. Philippine society no doubt demands a lot from us.

1. Crazy big weddings with hundreds of guests

Filipinos love to celebrate big events. Many of us want to get married in the future—including myself—but it can be incredibly pressuring. I’ve been to many big weddings and there would be hundreds of people, a crazy amount of flowers, lovely decor and so much glamour. I’m not necessarily against that but we also ought to be open to those who just want simple weddings. Smaller weddings would be much less costly, could be more intimate, and thus, a thousand times more memorable. There would also be less pressure on the bride and groom, something they’d surely appreciate.

2. That boys should just ‘man up’ when feeling down

This is a very toxic mindset. Boys are human beings just like girls are. Human beings have emotions. Human beings face problems in life. But when boys experience depressive days and/or problems, they’re simply told to just “man up.”

We ought to normalize boys having bad days, too. We ought to normalize them being able to comfortably talk about their problems. We ought to understand them, knowing that they, too, need help at times. They, too, need love and support. They, too, need tenderness, as “unmanly” and “privileged” as that sounds. Let’s put an end to toxic masculinity.

3. Having so many kids

As a practicing Catholic, I believe that the openness to procreation is a fundamentally crucial component to marriage and to sex, which is the marital act. Why? Because love (in all contexts!) cannot be contained—it’s so powerful that it cannot just be bottled up. We know that. And sometimes, within sex, love even has the power to bring new life.

However, the older practice of having five to 10 children per family is, I believe, no longer prudent for many.

Back in the 1960s perhaps, a middle-class family could have seven children, with only the father working, and survive just fine.

If a middle-class family were to do that now, they’d find themselves below the poverty line. It’s time that we normalize both openness to procreation and being prudent with family planning. Let’s normalize giving children a healthy and happy life.

4. The pressure to always seem alright (even when we’re depressed)

We experience bad days. We ought to normalize that bad days are a reality, and when we have those bad days, we ought to take things a little slower. This ought to move us not necessarily to get rid of our duties in life, but to at least be more empathetic. A little empathy will never hurt!

5. The need to study and work on-site 100 percent of the time

Everyone knows what Metro Manila was like prepandemic: We spent hours and hours in traffic. The pandemic, as bad as it has been, taught us that many things in our school and work can be done online.

There’s no need to require students to come to school for a 15-point true-or-false quiz; that can be done online and asynchronously.

There’s no need to require employees to report to the office if they can finish their reports independently at home using Google Docs.

Please, I implore administrators and employers reading this, let us not just blindly go back to the prepandemic norm. Let us create truly effective systems and setups in school and in the workplace. Efficiency is key. Creativity is also key. Maybe then we won’t find ourselves complaining about traffic every day, just on some days!

These are just five of what I believe are crazy societal expectations we Filipinos face. I’m sure that there are more. I think the key is to just be more empathetic and less judgmental. Exercising empathy and being less judgmental would make our lives a billion times better and happier.

The author is pursuing a master’s degree in Catholic Studies at the Franciscan University of Steubenville, Ohio. He was recently admitted to Yale University for a second master’s degree.