Can’t go wrong with minimalism
When daily habits are set, the child knows what to expect for the day; it reduces power struggles between parent and child
As one executive put it, the company was a “severe underdog” when it started out. But this year, Kuysen Enterprises Inc. is celebrating a three-decade partnership with the German brand Hansgrohe, which allowed what was then a small industrial hardware business based in Caloocan City to expand to bathroom fixtures and hone the Filipinos’ appreciation for European minimalist designs.
With in-person classes back to being the norm, how do we handle the living-with-COVID transition?
“Our pandemic reality when working with our kids at home is we’re supposed to know better, but we don’t.” Ed Link Foundation program director Jenny Villalon-Tapales, M.Ed, admitted this in a recently held social-emotional learning session for parents by De La Salle Zobel’s School Counseling Office.
Tapales said that children who had so much freedom during the years of online classes must be eased back into a structure with schedules.
She explained that routines teach self-control; they bring parent and child closer together and reduce power struggles, guiding positive behavior and safety. They support children’s social skills, help them cope with transitions and provide essential learning opportunities. In the long run, sticking to a routine will become a habit and will be less stressful because children know what to expect. Be predictable, consistent and follow through. Novelty is good, but too much variety, uncertainty, surprise and freshness can lead to being unhinged. Kids thrive on routine, and predictability is key to curbing impulses. When daily habits are set, the child knows what to expect for the day. Your child learns how you will react to her behavior when rules are anticipated. Such rituals provide security, order, comfort and stability.
Consistency means you respond to your child’s behavior the same way. “Say what you mean and mean what you say,” advised Tapales. “Misbehaviors are less likely to occur again if you always use the same consequence, like ignoring or timeouts. Kids will likely repeat good behaviors if you let them know you like them.”
Following through with consequences is vital for all behaviors, whether they’re actions we like or don’t like. So catch them doing good; don’t just catch them playing hooky on YouTube during online classes.
Ed Link Foundation program director Lizbeth Estella-Pascual shared tips on how to get buy-in with a routine. “Keep it as close to their school day as possible. Ask: ‘What do you think your day should be like? What should you do first?’ It becomes their suggestion.” Plan a routine that you can
stick to. Work with your child in making the family schedule. Post it where everyone can check and see what each day will be like. If they can anticipate, they can adjust, for instance, when their parents won’t be there. So, if they need you to tutor them on a subject, you can plan when to set a session.
In crafting your child’s routine, put in academic work and subjects like music, movement and art. Schedule time to get outside and exercise.
Pencil in predictable downtime by setting aside a break or some quiet time. It’s when everybody is doing their thing, and no one is telling you what to do. It can be at transition times, say, before dinner.
Consider your needs as a parent if you work from home or have different schedules. After all, we also want our children to be independent. So keep loose but predictable afternoon and evening schedules.
The children may have gotten used to having parents with them all day, so find the time when you can sit together. Perhaps have a ritual where everybody writes on slips of paper something they’re grateful for or the most rotten thing that happened that day. Then discuss everyone’s input during mealtime. Doing this teaches children self-regulation. It’s also good for the kids to hear from Dad and Mom.
If you fall off sched (and you will sometimes), let it slide and adjust. Have a Plan B, C and so on. Thinking as a family and agreeing on something if something doesn’t happen according to plan enables everyone to practice empathy and have a sense of humor.
Relax and take a breather. When you’re the one close to exploding, take a break to model how to handle big emotions.
Then return to show resilience.
Pascual shared other self-regulation techniques to teach your child, such as standing up and walking or running around. Or do five jumping jacks each and match them.
“The kids sit down in school all day, and when they get home, it’s the same. So set the alarm to work it in. Teach them to breathe when they feel overwhelmed or mad. Catch them before emotions get full-blown to help them self-regulate,” she said.
Have a face-to-face class to-do list, and get them into the habit of checking the schedule for the day. They should pack their bags, load everything in the car, bring everything to the classroom and submit their homework.
Teach them to pack away. For instance, put their basket of laundered clothes outside their room so they can put them in their cabinets.
Have a homework tracker to help teach time management. A daily planner helps regulate their expectation and frustration levels. Begin with the end in mind. Instead of just saying, “Fix your bag!” show them what it should look like so they know what to work toward.
“Home-family partnerships work,” said Pascual. “Routines in school will complement the structure set at home and vice versa.”