Changing yourself for your significant other
Growing to be the best version of yourself is a conscious endeavor. Hence, we asked four young adults what they do to ensure that they become the best version of themselves. We’ve also asked how this pursuit of self-actualization fits with the aspect of romantic relationships: What do you think about changing yourself for your significant other?
“To become the best version of myself, I always make sure I chase what I’m passionate about. I make sure I don’t place myself in a toxic situation as much as possible. No matter how much work and hours you put in, if what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy, it’s less likely that you become your best version. Compromise, I believe, is the right word. I don’t believe in changing your most fundamental traits to the extent that you lose your identity. Your significant other must learn to embrace your core. To the extent that it doesn’t change your core, that area is where compromise happens.”
—Mark Lawrence Badayos, 26, Bar 2019 Topnotcher
“I think ‘best’ is something you decide for yourself. I can’t possibly be at my ultimate if the means or steps I take do not bring out the best in me which means choosing the right motivations for it. I also dedicate my work to the Lord because the Lord has been good to me and He deserves nothing less than my best. It is important for me to be ready and content with myself before I’d even get into any romantic relationship. Commitments are an avenue to grow further with, not to suck the life out of, the other person. I can give as much as I take—and therefore, I can be open to certain changes that would not just sustain the relationship but also would be mutually beneficial to us as individuals.”
—Arcy Artes, 25, Teacher
“I am my own competition and I should live life at my own pace. I never compare myself to anyone because I know it will just lead to disappointment if I think they’re doing better than me. I’m just gonna do my thing, do what I love and thrive to reach new heights. I’ve always believed in compatibility. When two people click, it’s unlikely that you have to make big adjustments about yourself. You will know it when you’re still you when you are in his or her company. But, of course, if it’s for the better and it doesn’t make you feel bad at all, then change is welcome.”
—Cas Escabarte, 23, Dentist
“You have to look at yourself from different perspectives and ask yourself if you’re satisfied with the kind of person you are. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to criticism, accept flaws and shortcomings and learn from them. We have every moment in our lives to grow so there’s no shame in learning and rebuilding yourself later into the years. Every new day is a new opportunity. And you take that opportunity to continue to be the best version of yourself. To me, changing yourself for your significant other is acceptable if you don’t change who you are. Differences teach us to understand each other and approach each other more competently. Your significant other will come to love your flaws and differences and if they ever try to shape you into something you’re not, then maybe the relationship isn’t meant to be.”
—Danny Kim, 19, College Freshman