Chang­ing your­self for your sig­nif­i­cant other

Sun Star Bacolod - - ‘yuhom! - BY REY JEE AL­BINO

Grow­ing to be the best ver­sion of your­self is a con­scious en­deavor. Hence, we asked four young adults what they do to en­sure that they be­come the best ver­sion of them­selves. We’ve also asked how this pur­suit of self-ac­tu­al­iza­tion fits with the as­pect of ro­man­tic re­la­tion­ships: What do you think about chang­ing your­self for your sig­nif­i­cant other?

“To be­come the best ver­sion of my­self, I al­ways make sure I chase what I’m pas­sion­ate about. I make sure I don’t place my­self in a toxic sit­u­a­tion as much as pos­si­ble. No mat­ter how much work and hours you put in, if what you’re do­ing doesn’t make you happy, it’s less likely that you be­come your best ver­sion. Com­pro­mise, I be­lieve, is the right word. I don’t be­lieve in chang­ing your most fun­da­men­tal traits to the ex­tent that you lose your iden­tity. Your sig­nif­i­cant other must learn to em­brace your core. To the ex­tent that it doesn’t change your core, that area is where com­pro­mise hap­pens.”

—Mark Lawrence Ba­dayos, 26, Bar 2019 Top­notcher

“I think ‘best’ is some­thing you de­cide for your­self. I can’t pos­si­bly be at my ul­ti­mate if the means or steps I take do not bring out the best in me which means choos­ing the right mo­ti­va­tions for it. I also ded­i­cate my work to the Lord be­cause the Lord has been good to me and He de­serves noth­ing less than my best. It is im­por­tant for me to be ready and con­tent with my­self be­fore I’d even get into any ro­man­tic re­la­tion­ship. Com­mit­ments are an av­enue to grow fur­ther with, not to suck the life out of, the other per­son. I can give as much as I take—and there­fore, I can be open to cer­tain changes that would not just sus­tain the re­la­tion­ship but also would be mu­tu­ally ben­e­fi­cial to us as in­di­vid­u­als.”

—Arcy Artes, 25, Teacher

“I am my own com­pe­ti­tion and I should live life at my own pace. I never com­pare my­self to any­one be­cause I know it will just lead to dis­ap­point­ment if I think they’re do­ing bet­ter than me. I’m just gonna do my thing, do what I love and thrive to reach new heights. I’ve al­ways be­lieved in com­pat­i­bil­ity. When two peo­ple click, it’s un­likely that you have to make big ad­just­ments about your­self. You will know it when you’re still you when you are in his or her com­pany. But, of course, if it’s for the bet­ter and it doesn’t make you feel bad at all, then change is wel­come.”

—Cas Es­cabarte, 23, Den­tist

“You have to look at your­self from dif­fer­ent per­spec­tives and ask your­self if you’re satisfied with the kind of per­son you are. Al­low your­self to be vul­ner­a­ble to crit­i­cism, ac­cept flaws and short­com­ings and learn from them. We have ev­ery mo­ment in our lives to grow so there’s no shame in learn­ing and re­build­ing your­self later into the years. Ev­ery new day is a new op­por­tu­nity. And you take that op­por­tu­nity to con­tinue to be the best ver­sion of your­self. To me, chang­ing your­self for your sig­nif­i­cant other is ac­cept­able if you don’t change who you are. Dif­fer­ences teach us to un­der­stand each other and ap­proach each other more com­pe­tently. Your sig­nif­i­cant other will come to love your flaws and dif­fer­ences and if they ever try to shape you into some­thing you’re not, then maybe the re­la­tion­ship isn’t meant to be.”

—Danny Kim, 19, Col­lege Fresh­man


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