Finding fulfillment

Dear Dr. Dana,

Everyone said that a mother’s life is a work in progress. We moms are forever fixing things, our houses, our children’s problems, our relationship.

Sometimes, I feel that we can never create the home and the life we have always dreamed of.

Then, when the first streaks of gray hair appear, we wonder where time has flown and whether we have made the best use of our lives on earth.

Because of these thoughts, I feel discontented and wish that I’ve tried harder to being a good mother.

Dear Arlene,

Arlene

This nagging thought, this unsettling feeling, can be mistaken for guilt. But actually, it is the intense passion of the human spirit to achieve perfection, to come closer to “home,” to that supreme spiritual being many call God, from whom we seek comfort, solace and fulfillment.

This passion fuels a certain discontent with our work and our life that pushes us to always “fix things” and try to make everything in our world right. Yes, we have to live with this discontent because it is good for us. But we have also got to learn to manage it so that the desire for perfection does not turn into an obsession.

Suppressing discontent would just make it worse. Like water seeping through the tiniest of cracks, hidden discontent would make itself felt by your restlessness, irritability, and unhappiness. Channel your discontent towards the “rocks” in your life. And like flowing water carving a path amidst the rocks, discontent will carve a path of solutions through your obstacles.

Remember that while the human spirit was made to always strive for perfection, perfection is not achievable in our material world. Thus, we will always have that ache in our heart and guilt in our gut that some things seem to be left undone. We have got to learn to live with the ache, with the guilt, because it is a sign that we are fully aware of our humanity—and our spirituality.

A working mom’s task is never done, but this does not mean we won’t do it. Discontent can be a driving force, like running water that creates energy. Use it to energize yourself to do one more chore that must be done, take one more trip to pick up the kids, give one more smile to keep your husband and children happy. Use discontent to spin the wheels of your life. We need discontent to keep our spirits alive. Once mastered, it will take us closer to home here on earth and beyond.

Very truly yours, Dr, Dana R, Sesante