Touch by touch

SPOTTED dick. Wait! It’s not what you think, Cebu City Anti-Indecency Board. No need to bare those fangs. Down, boy. It’s a cylindrical pudding popular in Britain and it’s made with suet and dried fruit and often served with custard. At least, that’s what Wikipedia says. It’s some kind of a pastry. Probably goes down well with a cup of chamomile tea. Or whatever the British like to drink with their spotted dick.

So why was I thinking about “spotted dick?” I was looking at yesterday’s issue of Sun.Star Superbalita and its headline was “Kinitawo Gisilian.” And it just hit me, “Chili Willie.” I know it’s not the exact translation but it does have that certain British air to it.

The British are known for their insouciance and stiff upper lip and somehow that’s what I felt the “victim” lacked when I read the story.

After all, who goes to the police to report that his wife physically abuses him?

Mind you, it took balls for Lito (not his real name) to admit that he, a 34-year-old crane operator, is a cuckold. Yup, he believes his wife is having an affair with a foreigner because she was able to put up a concrete house even though he hadn’t been giving her money and she doesn’t have a job.

Worst, she has been neglecting their two kids, he said, and she kicked him out.

Still, I admire Lito for being a gentleman in every sense of the word. Not once, during their altercations, did he lay a finger on her. And how do I know this? Well, there was no complaint from the wife. Her only beef was she couldn’t stand his jealousy and that was why she made rags of his uniform.

I know this is no joking matter. According to a 2010 national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and the US Department of Justice, “more men than women were victims of intimate partner physical violence and over 40 percent of severe physical violence was directed at men.”

And here’s a finding I find very revealing: “Men are also more often the victim of psychological aggression and control over sexual or reproductive health.”

I don’t have the local stats, but that would explain what Lito said happened to him last month. He told police he and his wife were having intimate relations--which she had initiated, he pointed out—when, lo and behold, he felt a burning sensation when she grabbed his, you know. He claimed she put red hot chili on his willie.

His wife denied his accusation. She said she had rubbed Efficascent Oil on her body before their lovemaking because she was suffering from some minor aches. In the heat of the moment, she said she accidentally got a hold of his… anyway, Lito overreacted, she said.

“Pwerte nyang kisi-kisi,” PO2 Bai Onaera Haron quoted Lito as saying.

Hmmm. I don’t know whether to feel sorry for Lito or not. I don’t want to be judgmental. But he does want the police to arrest his wife.

I guess there’s a new saying now: “Hell hath no fury like a Lito scorned.”