Crying and Bato dela Rosa

IREMEMBER the one time I cried openly. I was then in my early 20s and headed a group whose working area was an isolated hut on the bank of a creek in the middle of a dense vegetation on the slope of one of Cebu City's mountain barangays. We were virtually left on our own for months and to work-related problems were added personal conflicts. I was unprepared for the heavy burden of leadership and it showed when during one of our meetings I broke down.

I didn't care how I looked at that time. I left the group and sat down amid the bushes as tears streamed down my cheeks. It took a few minutes before I could recover. Our group was eventually disbanded and the members allowed to rest for a few weeks before given new and different tasks. An assessment showed that my breakdown was due to the burden I was bearing.

I remembered that scene involving my younger self when I saw on television Philippine National Police (PNP) Chief Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa transform from a rock into a marshmallow during Tuesday's Senate hearing that featured self-confessed drug peddler and former fugitive Kerwin Espinosa.

Espinosa, whose father, Albuera, Leyte mayor Rolando Espinosa, was killed by elements of the Criminal Investigation and Detection Group (CIDG) 8 inside a jail in Baybay City, had named some police official in Albuera and in Re- gion 8 (Eastern Visayas) as being on the take from and protectors of his trade in illegal drugs. That prompted Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri to ask dela Rosa about his effort to cleanse the ranks of the PNP and get the trust of the public.

Dela Rosa paused momentarily, apparently struggling to control his emotion, before answering: “Your honor, I cannot blame the public if they are losing trust and confidence in their police because I myself, hindi ko alam kung sino ang pagkakatiwalaan...Gustong-gusto ko lang ma- reform ang PNP pero ako ay hirap na hirap na. I will never surrender. Kaya ko ‘to. Hindi ko ito uurongan. Lilinisin ko ang PNP hangga’t sa makakaya ko.”

There are those who say dela Rosa was doing his best actor stunt but I think differently. As I have pointed out before, I like dela Rosa for his candor. While others find him dangerous for being likeable while implementing the campaign against the illegal drugs trade that has already killed hundreds of suspected pushers and addicts , I noted that he is instead the saving grace of the administration of President Rodrigo Duterte. He does not appear to me as sinister or scheming.

Critics say the crying episode was dela Rosa's way of mitigating the impact to the PNP's image of the shenanigans committed by some policemen. But I think it was the result of the Duterte administration's overly high expectations for the campaign against the illegal drugs trade and of the heavy burden now weighing down on dela Rosa. How could he lead a decent enough drive against illegal drugs when the machinery used, the PNP organization, is a tainted one?

Also, and dela Rosa may not say this, having a volatile president could have contributed to the burden. The man is, I think, loyal to a fault. I have seen him a number of times during interviews being stumped by questions regarding some of the questionable statements of the President. And always, I hear him use the words “bahala na,” giving me the impression he has decided to sink or swim with his boss and following him even if some of his policies contradict his own values.