Near-fatal videoke

The experience must have been so bad, so awful, so excruciatingly painful to the ears that it compelled Gabato to grab a knife

You know what they say, “truth is stranger than fiction.” I mean, how else would you describe what happened to that guy in Barangay Bago Oshiro, Tugbok District, Davao City on New Year’s day?

For all intents and purposes, Narciso--that’s not his real name but that’s what the SunStar Superbalita Davao reporter called him--is your typical Juan de la Cruz.

I’m just making a guess since the article didn’t say much about him as a person but the fact that the incident involved Narciso singing makes him very typical.

What happened to the 35-year-old was this: He was stabbed by a neighbor, and get this, because he had been singing the whole morning.

He probably thought the people wouldn’t be bothered by his loud voice because, like most Filipinos, and I’m not exaggerating when I say “most,” he believed himself to be God’s gift to music.

And seriously, what’s the point of singing with a microphone if the volume is not cranked out to the highest level. Right? Oh I could picture Narciso having a blast. Out there on his front porch, I presume. For all the world to see. And hear.

But imagine if you lived next door. Or two houses down. Or whatever. And you just spent the previous night celebrating because, after all, you were waiting for the New Year’s countdown. You probably had something to drink. A few glasses, here. A few bottles, there... although it doesn’t really matter how much you drink but who you drink it with. Right? Right. And since we are in the Philippines, you, too, were probably belting out standards that all Filipinos seem to know by heart even though these came out decades and decades ago.

You see, the President may have issued Executive Order 28 that confines the use of pyrotechnics to community fireworks display, but Duterte didn’t say anything about banning bombastic vocal gymnastics.

So it wouldn’t be farfetched to imagine Narciso having a few competition the night before, which might explain why he thought it was necessary to wake up early in the morning to pick up where he left off since he couldn’t hear himself from all that din a few hours earlier.

But if you were his neighbor, being roused from your peaceful slumber by an off-key rendition of Bon Jovi’s “Always” was not exactly how you wanted to jump-start your year.

By the way, the operative word here is “OFFKEY,” also known by its other names “flat,” “tuneless,” “discordant,” “dissonant” or “unmusical.”

I’m sure all these synonyms do wonders for your hangover.

And I bet you that was what suspect Jim Paul Gabato and the other residents of Barangay Bago Oshiro were nursing when they were jarred to their senses by Narciso’s, well, massacre of popular tunes.

The experience must have been so bad, so awful, so excruciatingly painful to the ears that it compelled Gabato to grab a knife, go over to Narciso’s house and stab the latter.

Mind you, Narciso is lucky because he survived the attack and is recuperating in the hospital.

Imagine if he was singing “My Way.”