Is she too busy to be in a relationship?
@KIRK:
My girlfriend’s pursuit of a law degree has made this past year a whirlwind for both of us, leaving little time for quality moments together amid her busy life. The demands of law school alone are stretching her thin. Yet, she’s taken on additional commitments with organizations and university competitions. As a result, meaningful conversations between us have become increasingly rare. I’ve noticed her growing distance when I reach out to her. There are days when she doesn’t return my messages or calls, and significant occasions like birthdays, anniversaries or career achievements pass by with little acknowledgment from her. I’m in my late 20s, making significant strides in my career at an audit firm. I’m ready to settle down. However, I find myself constantly adjusting my expectations to accommodate her schedule. Can I still hold on?
DJ:
Navigating a relationship with someone in law school can be a real rollercoaster. Over the years, I’ve noticed that it’s pretty common for these relationships to hit some major bumps. This is especially true when one half of the duo, like you, isn’t knee-deep in the law school scene. The grind, the crazy stress levels can really put a strain on even the tightest of bonds. No matter how wellintentioned both parties are. So, what you’re feeling is totally normal, dude. Keeping that relationship going takes serious effort. She’s becoming different. Not in ways you’re used to. I feel you. Been there.
A relationship in itself is already time consuming. Imagine how that will be for your girlfriend who is stuck in a conundrum to read and study and read some more, and to spend time with someone she cares about. If this balancing act has been a struggle for both of you, it’s undoubtedly adding an extra layer of stress to her already full plate. In relationships, love and fear often compete for dominance. Love fosters compassion and open communication, while fear manifests in jealousy and selfishness. So, it’s worth taking a moment to reflect whether your actions are driven by love or fear.
Your girlfriend’s struggles are real. Sure, you have your needs. But I’m telling you my new friend that if you want to make this work, know that you’re going to have to give up a lot and will be providing so much support for her. It’s up to you. Stepping up and providing that support can actually be incredibly beneficial for her. The chance to get on something other than law school can offer her a much-needed mental reset, allowing her to return to her studies with renewed focus and determination.
Can you take on some of her load? You seem to have a lot of time on your hands. Why not pitch in with errands, cooking, cleaning — tasks that could give her some mental breathing room to focus on her studies? I once loved a law student. Our best time was spending
Sunday afternoons with her and her books, and me and my readings. If she wanted to vent, I listened. And if she wanted me to get out of the way, I would. It was tough. But because I loved her, I could compromise. I valued her happiness at such a grueling period of her life. I laughed with her, and I’d like to think I made her laugh too!
Rather than assuming you know what’s best, why not have an open conversation with her about her wants and needs? It’s tough but try not to let your own hurt feelings make her feel guilty for pursuing her dreams. Let her do what she must do because if you mess her up at this critical point in her life, it is doubtful that your relationship will survive. Don’t expect a lot of free time for now. Law is a unique culture and behavior rolled together from where you are. But she will get back to normal eventually. Are you willing to wait?
While life is about choices, law school does not have to derail your love story. I believe in love that beats all odds. I believe there is a special person out there specifically made for her and for you. It won’t be a walk in the park to love that person and to be with that person. But if you can give these years to her, I hope you will. In this situation, the measure of your giving reveals the measure of your love. Patience is a virtue.