You changed my life in a moment
In the past weeks, I feel that God is so far from me. In the morning when I wake up, I see the sunrise depicting attacks of injustices. In the afternoon, I perceived the sun sets as moments of being defenseless. And the touch of rain as the opportunity when I can cry to hide my tears. I do not want people to witness myself crying, I did it recently to express how I feel with how life maltreated me, but it was misinterpreted as aggression, when I was only like looking for a father to protect me.
Who says life is fair? You concede honestly and then you are judged wrongly. You do what is right and the reward is meaningless. You sow loyalty and you reap betrayal. Why oh why? Now, I have realized that even with hard word and sincerity, there are still people who does not appreciate the beauty of selflessness. And I have also learned that there are clever liars that gets offended by the truth.
But I was wrong because I have considered all of my feelings and opinions symbolizing the world view. I thought I was all alone. My pains refute me to allow God to create miracles for me to understand what is God's purpose in my life. I failed to understand that there are times God will touch me, but not heal me immediately, because God is using my pain for a greater purpose.
And so my pains led me to a miracle – I have come to see the person I have longed to speak personally.
He was impossible to reach, every day as I walked into his place, I have always wished us to talk about life, like a father and a daughter. I dreamed of listening to his great knowledge and logic of good intentions. I though it will just be a dream… Oh, really sometimes pains lead us to the right person.
Let me call him “Papa” and let me tell you how Papa changed my life in a moment.
I cannot hold my tears when I sat on the sofa. My heart was filled with emotions that I cannot hold in my tears. I am in pain, I am tired and I am so defenseless. When he started speaking, asking how am I? It was like I am speaking to God, with angels around. It was difficult for me to speak because I feel I cannot trust anybody. But his voice is so calm and I feel I am with my father, whom I have longed so much to protect me. He speaks less, but his warmth enveloped me with safety and security. Oh, Papa made me feel I am not forsaken!
I remembered how bad life was, but I just cannot tell him in details, but his eyes speak, telling me he knows how I feel. He did not question me much, he allowed me to say how I am broken. It was like I am speaking to God, praying for healing. And honestly, I felt the divine spirit of God embracing me. The words of God entered into my soul and I never had this experience in my life. Oh Papa became an instrument for me to learn that God is truly alive!
I reminisce then how injustices damaged my life. But his genuine appreciation of who I am was enough to bring me justice. I am no longer afraid of the present moment or maybe untainted by the past, I welcome the unknown future, because I have learned that God controls the weather.
Ah… Now, I can appreciate again the sunrise, the sunset and the rain. I have almost forgotten how to look deeper into nature that brings life, until he have brought back the beauty of the nature in me, healing my tiring spirit.
Truly, Papa created in me a joy I cannot explain. I arrived his place, having so much inside me and not having the slightest clue of how to pour it, but I left his place like I was walking with Jesus holding my hand tight. And God, I will never forget his last words……… Yes, Papa, I promise to take my medicines. I promise to take good care of my health.
Your caring words will remain to be my pillar of strength. Thank you for changing my life in a moment!