Waking up with my sister gone

I lost my sister this week. She is now in the arms of the Lord, reunited too, with our dear Papa. She fought a good fight and lived her life chasing her dreams and achieving the goals she had set for herself. Although she lived a short life, she lived her forty years the best way she could.

Whenever we lose a loved one, it leaves us in shock and as the days wore on, numb. The disbelief is quite disarming. How do you stop that wave of devastation from washing over you? The feeling ebbs and flows, bringing with it a surge of emotions that are sad and painful.. These are extremely difficult times but we all find comfort in seeing friends and family coming together to show their love and support.

At the wake, I realized how one can feel regret for not doing enough for the one we lost. Their death feels so surreal, but it is real. I flinch whenever I catch a glimpse of her name on the wreaths. My heart sinks when the reality of her passing hits me. In the flurry of prayers, friends and family paying their last respects lies the lies the painful truth that she is gone and that hurts.

We cry over and over from having lost someone. We shed tears realizing that the trail of our memories with them has reached its end. I cried painful tears knowing that I will never hear my sister’s laughter again, nor see her eyes twinkle whenever she finds something delightful. Amidst the grief, I realized that the tears we shed were more for us than for them because we have lost the opportunity to live our lives with them in it. It is truly heartbreaking.

We should find comfort in the fact that we had the privilege of spending time with them. There may have been difficulties and disagreements but we have always known that despite it, the love and care ran deep. Yes, they are gone but they will forever live in our hearts.

Everyday since my sister passed, I would wake up with the sad reality that she is gone. I would sit on her bed and surround by her scent which still lingers in the air, and cry. It really is difficult to lose a loved one. I find comfort in a passage that I read during one of the prayer vigils at her wake: “Death is not extinguishing the light. It is putting out the lamp because a new day, an eternal one has dawned.”

My sister’s eternal new day has began and that is all I need to let her go.