Newspapers

Conflicting reports on the number of victims of extra judicial killings see print. Nevertheless, the Philippine’s daily newspapers are still credible, provided that you read between the lies.

After escaping from the National Mental Hospital, the patient raped a washer woman and fled. The headline the following morning read: “NUT SCREWS WASHER AND BOLTS.”

Seldom did the Archbishop visit a remote town so at the press conference a local reporter wanted to scoop his metropolitan rivals. Fortunately, he managed to get the first question away. “Are you going to visit the nightclubs her e?”

The archbishop was taken aback. “Are there nightclubs in his small town?”

The newspapers had its headline: ARCHBISHOP’S FIRST WORD: “ARE THERE NIGHTCLUBS IN THIS SMALL TOWN?”

Other headline: WOMAN RECOVERING FROM A FATAL CRASH

NEWS FLASH: The helicopter of a Congressman crashed into the Libingan ng mga Bayani. At the last count, 700 bodies had been r ecover ed.

NEWS WARNING: Never tell a journalist what you do not want to read in the newspapers.

There was a saleslady at the SM M al l

She wore a newspapers dress to the ball But the garb caught fire And burned her entire Front page, back page, sports section and all

The China Seafood Restaurant’s advertisement was incorrect. It read #/&&, ***. It should have read, #**/&&. We regret any inconvenience, this may have caused.

A reporter went to cover the earthquake and began his bulletin, “God causes tremendous devastation…

Immediately, he received a message from his editor: “Forget the earthquake” Interview God.

The reporter was pressing the old gentlemen on his 100th birthday why he had stayed on earth so long.

“Well for two reasons. One is my long practice of having 2 bottles of brandy a day.”

“And the other?” the reporter eagerly asked.

“My latent talent to cancel my trip with the Titanic.”