ON FAIL­URE

Sun.Star Pampanga - - PERSPECTIVE! - KAYE G. MANUNTAG

I tried avoid­ing this trap, but I ended up build­ing the trap my­self and step­ping right into it.

I groaned as I rubbed my fore­head af­ter mind­lessly walk­ing just min­utes af­ter I woke up. Like a kid, I got wor­ried for a sec­ond that all the in­for­ma­tion stored in my brain will fade, es­pe­cially later when I will be need­ing it the mist. Af­ter my morn­ing rou­tine, in­stead of my heavy back­pack filled with text­books, I grabbed my sling bag con­tain­ing only a pad of yel­low pa­per and a pen. As I trudged fa­ther away from our house, I be­gan re­al­iz­ing how ironic it was that the heav­ier bag car­ried the lighter bur­den.

I stress­fully flipped my notes as I was squeez­ing my brain to be able to write some­thing. My eyes grew un­fa­mil­iar with the new trend in the so­ci­ety. With each new fare who en­tered, my hope fal­tered. My mind started bom­bard­ing me with the time wherein I said that I only need to grow holis­ti­cally. I tried to brush this thought off, but it lin­gered me up un­til I placed the last word in my notes.

The loud, joy­ful chat­ters of my col­leagues slowly faded in vol­ume as I slowly re­al­ized how un­con­tended I was with my sit­u­a­tion. Bet­ter ideas started pop­ping out, my mind re­called ev­ery mis­take, but life is not yet over. In frus­tra­tion, I stayed as far as I can from re­al­ity, in des­per­a­tion, to res­cue my ears and mind from de­spair.

Long­ing for rest, with a heavy heart, I de­cided to leave un­til I sud­denly felt a tap on my shoul­der. It was my mom, telling me “Life must go on.”

In des­per­a­tion, I tried avoid­ing the trap, but I ended up build­ing the trap my­self and step­ping right into it. I missed de­vel­op­ment be­cause of fears to be re­jected. I ended up with more re­spon­si­bil­i­ties be­cause of it.

But in the end, it is a trap that I would dare to step into, over and over again. I am no longer afraid to be “on fail­ure.”

--oOo— The au­thor is Ad­min­is­tra­tive Aide I

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