ON FAILURE

I tried avoiding this trap, but I ended up building the trap myself and stepping right into it.

I groaned as I rubbed my forehead after mindlessly walking just minutes after I woke up. Like a kid, I got worried for a second that all the information stored in my brain will fade, especially later when I will be needing it the mist. After my morning routine, instead of my heavy backpack filled with textbooks, I grabbed my sling bag containing only a pad of yellow paper and a pen. As I trudged father away from our house, I began realizing how ironic it was that the heavier bag carried the lighter burden.

I stressfully flipped my notes as I was squeezing my brain to be able to write something. My eyes grew unfamiliar with the new trend in the society. With each new fare who entered, my hope faltered. My mind started bombarding me with the time wherein I said that I only need to grow holistically. I tried to brush this thought off, but it lingered me up until I placed the last word in my notes.

The loud, joyful chatters of my colleagues slowly faded in volume as I slowly realized how uncontended I was with my situation. Better ideas started popping out, my mind recalled every mistake, but life is not yet over. In frustration, I stayed as far as I can from reality, in desperation, to rescue my ears and mind from despair.

Longing for rest, with a heavy heart, I decided to leave until I suddenly felt a tap on my shoulder. It was my mom, telling me “Life must go on.”

In desperation, I tried avoiding the trap, but I ended up building the trap myself and stepping right into it. I missed development because of fears to be rejected. I ended up with more responsibilities because of it.

But in the end, it is a trap that I would dare to step into, over and over again. I am no longer afraid to be “on failure.”

--oOo— The author is Administrative Aide I