The Requisites of Love

Meliza M. Batac

When she was in college, she met a younger man who is a staffer of the university publication and she on one hand was writing for a college paper. It was a whirlwind romance for he did not court her, it was just a simple confession on both part that feelings are mutual.

The rosy tinted window of love lasted for six months and it was devastating for her as it had been for him. The timing is not right probably and the two years gap was likely an issue. Six years passed after the hit or a miss encounter to get back, the boy was grown up and the lady was more mature. The former wanted a second chance perhaps also the latter but because of circumstances and wanting to retain the feeling even if they are far apart, it did not took place. But as they say, in Filipino - a song even by The Juans “pinagtagpo pero (hin)’di tinadhana” it has been a love labeled as TOTGA or colloquial term “The One that got away.”

He stayed happily married while she has grown apart from her estranged husband. For the latter’s former spouse had been seeing different women all at the same and other marital issues. She has forgotten what it was to live and breathe for she has to attend to her children’s needs.

But what could have gone wrong with these two great loves she had? She must have forgotten the most crucial thing, and it was self love. Is there more? Yes, the composites and requisites of self love that she could have seen more clearly and got acquainted with years ago so she may have not feared love at all. And what are these?

•As 1 Corinthians 13:1-8 implies, love is perfect in it and even states what could be considered what it is not. That in self love or whatever relationship, love is not self seeking. If the partner puts first his needs and wants over that of the other, then that is not love. Love is up for the happiness and well being of the beloved. Prioritizing a love one is alright except for always giving and not having anything in return – love, respect, kindness etc.;

•Look and pay attention to this paradigm: A car that runs out fuel cannot go places. Emptying one’s self and loving till we forget about ourselves make us vulnerable to the trappings of always being taken for granted. It is hinting a message that it is alright to be always pushed around, disrespected, and walked on all over like a rag. Leave something for the self;

•Be happy in solitude. Happiness should not be pegged and begged from other people –good people are not to be chased. Choose it (happiness) every day no matter how it hurts. For in Proverbs 15:13, “A happy heart makes a happy face, but with a sad heart, the spirit (shall be) broken;”

•Know that everyone can disappoint you even those close to your heart but God never will;

•Remember that self worth is in God and not the people outside of us; •Detect If there are red flags, and if there is something off runaway from what could hurt you;

•Invest in one self and discover the other aspects of the self that has not been unleashed;

•Take care of one’s self –hygiene as well as emotionally , spiritually , and mentally; and

•Acknowledge that you are worth it, and there are other means to channel that love –friends, community, civic -work, the needy etc.

Love is not to blame for a loss, for grief or defeat. Love has always been there during time immemorial, when the Almighty said “Let there be light.” For love is light, and brings about illumination in the heart and in the soul.

Don’t go searching for love, because love has always been there. It is within and not “without”. God has loved us first, and though” she” and others may searched for it in the wrong places, there is redemptive value in the love that only comes from her God, our God the living and eternal One.

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The author is SHS Teacher III at Angeles City Senior High School