Meditation in a Cold November Night

Cesary Y. Sacdalan, LPT, MAELLT

He was fast asleep--perhaps exhausted from a long day work-- and tucked in his sturdy arms wasn't me, but his favorite pillow. Tonight, just like the previous nights, he would be sleeping alone in bed. Guilt slowly struck in me who was wide awake trying to finish this article that maybe one day would change the course of my career.

In this world where professional growth matters most and the incessant pursuit for career advancement and excellence became part of society's goals and priorities, perhaps majority would have to make major sacrifices and take bigger risks in order to reach the pinnacle of success-- to jump maybe two or even more steps higher from their current salary grades. Alas! Who would resist a quantum leap? Dope, money really makes the world go round.

But is this huge growth worthy of all the "extra" miles that one must go through, the swollen eye bags from frequent sleep deprivation, the toxic ass-kissing game to impress the superiors, the modern-day-martyrdom at its finest that one has exemplified all throughout to win and please the VIPs, all of these to achieve that jaw-dropping Outstanding remark in your performance rating?

Tell me.

Is this promotion worth the stress, anxiety, sleepless nights, prejudice, misjudgment, gas lighting, and back-stabbing episodes that bombarded and disturbed your peace? Can the end justify the means? Will it pay for the extra time you spent outside work hours? Will it compensate those days you have sacrificed away from your families and loved ones? Will it guarantee you of the life you wished for your family, and that you believed you truly deserve? Can it possibly bring back all those moments that could have been your relaxing me-time for self-care, your intimate cuddle time, and your joyous bonding time with friends?

Is it really worth knowing that in the end we are just a bunch of replaceable employees--whose names aren't indelible in the payroll system, cause ones our journey ends, a new one would fill in the void we left. Darn, a sad reality indeed.

As I am writing this article, hoping that one day, this might be part of an impressive work portfolio worthy for the most-coveted teaching positions, my heart cries in so much pain, for the simple reason that I am betting for something that isn't sure at all. For something which I have no full control of no matter how hard I strive, no matter how enthusiastic I am to become the better version of myself as an educator.

Tonight, just like the other nights, I am reflecting. Thinking it through. Maybe I can still go on like this for another day, another, week, another month, another year...'til the heavens answer the purest intentions and desires of my heart.

Life goes on...

Dream on.

The author is SST

--oOo-

II at Don Jesus Gonzales High School