Spouses Sharing House Chores
Most couples find that keeping the house tidy before you have kids is a breeze. However, once the family starts growing, the sheer number of toys, special chairs, strollers, bicycles, school bags and books starts to become overwhelming. On top of that, the amount of cooking, cleaning and washing seems to go up exponentially, but the parents’ – especially the homemaker’s – energy levels and ability to cope with it all tend to head in the opposite direction.
It’s around this time that most women might start to notice that their husbands aren’t really helping out as much around the house anymore. He might still be doing the same chores he used to do, but might not have realized that all the extra work which the kids have created is being picked up by his wife alone. Alternatively, he might feel the need to build a larger nest egg for the family’s future and may be putting in more hours at work and helping out less at home.
If, however, the wife is finding it increasingly difficult to cope with the extra chores at home, she should find a way to discuss the matter with her husband and ask for some help.
She shall find a good time to talk to him about how she is feeling. The discussion shall not be started when both she and he are tired after a long day at work, or after an argument about the state of the house or when she is frustrated. She shall find a moment when she is relatively calm and have enough time to really discuss the problem.
She shall be open about how she feels and acknowledge all the effort that he too is putting into the family. He needs to know that she feels unable to cope on her own and ask him to help with some of the chores.
She shall sit down and make a list of all the chores she does in a day. Common ones involve tidying up the house, washing, ironing and keeping laundry, buying groceries, cooking and washing up, paying the bills, gardening, throwing out the garbage, washing the car, driving the kids to classes and other such chores, walking the pets and caring for them.
Talk to him.
Make a list together.
The spouses shall discuss which ones he thinks he can help her with. She should expect him to have certain preferences and unless there is a real reason why she can’t accommodate his preferences, she should accept them and try to let him do the chores he likes better.
The spouses shall try to do some of the chores together. For example, he could wash up while she tidies the table, put the food away and dry the dishes. Or maybe he folds the laundry while she irons. Setting aside time to do the chores together will make it seem easier for him and less boring for both of them.
The spouses shall not try to do all the chores over the weekend. Some shall be done over the course of the week. That way they both will still have time to relax and enjoy themselves on Saturdays and Sundays.
The wife shall accept that her husband may not do things the way she would. She shall accept also that he might not be as good as she is with house chores, or as thorough, or as organized. It’s a small price to pay for some relief and will allow him to feel good about helping her, too.
Spread them out.
Relinquish some control.
Say thank you.
Get some help.
Do them together.
She must not forget to show appreciation for the help that he gives to her. Housework is indeed tiring and boring sometimes, and a little bit of appreciation will go a long way to making it all seem worthwhile.
If even with the husband’s help, she still finds it hard to cope, perhaps they can get some help. A part time cleaner once a week is great, but even if the wife decides not to do that, sending her husband’s dress shirts and trousers out for laundry and ironing can make a difference. If she finds that grocery shopping takes up too much time, then using online grocery shopping and delivery services might work for her. If cooking is a challenge, opting for a delivery service once in a while for home cooked meals is yet another possibility. The spouses shall decide together what chores they find most difficult and see if they can outsource these.