When You Are So Deeply Hurt
It has been said that the person you love most, hurts you most. Like the case of an acquaintance, who one day found her husband and their maid in a compromising situation in their bedroom. Instead of being enraged, she tapped her husband and said that she was already home. Then she packed
her things and brought along with her their two children and walked away.
I admired her calmness and composure. But I knew the pain and hurt that she went through – she was deeply wounded and was deeply hurt. When she shared her story, she cried like a wounded animal badly beaten. Her body shook and tears were streaming down her cheeks. She said that it was the biggest blow she had in her life – the betrayal and humiliation of her as a human being, a wife and a mother to her children. She said, “I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I had been a good wife and a mother. Where did I go wrong?” I could not say a word. Her situation was too overwhelming. I just embraced her to comfort her.
The commebackacademy.com website offers the following tips on what to do when the person you love most, hurts you the most:
• You will have to forgive. It will take time, a lot of time. Forgiveness is not something that happens in a day – it’s an inch-by-inch process. You may choose to be consumed by anger and hate. But that’s not a good way to live a life.
• Confront what you fear most. If the person who hurts you the most wants confrontation, do not be afraid to face him. Ask from the Lord the power of forgiveness, and not
allow anger and hate to linger in your heart.
• Don’t change who you are, just because life changed. Take the high road. Sometimes you have to rise above the situation. People will tell you to seek revenge, be mean, and only look out for yourself. But if that’s not who you are, then take this as a chance to become a better person not a worse one.
• Vent your heart. Talk to family. Talk to friends. Talk to a counselor. And if possible vent at the person who hurt you most. You have to get it out. If you don’t have the kind of relationship that you can do it in person – send an email or letter. Don’t focus on the bad that happened if you can. Just explain why you are so hurt
• Spend time with the best people in your life. And listen when they compliment you. Right now your self-esteem is probably not good. Keep your chin up. You are not alone in this journey. There are lots of people out there who have undergone this kind of journey, but have had learned to move on and start a new chapter in their life. They take back their power. As Lauren Erickson-Viereck once said, “May we all learn to love without contingency; in the meantime, may we learn to our path in self-compassion. Loving ourselves is our dawn into the light of truly loving others.”