Keeping the House in Good Order
When man and wife were still dating, they had a chance to peek into each other’s home surroundings. Thus, they had at least an idea if they had different philosophies about cleanliness or not. If they had major differences, and they got married anyway, the couple is probably fighting a lot on the cleanliness issue now.
The situation often gets worse once the couple gets to have kids, as the cleaning and doing chores issue gets much worse. Fighting over the house chores is likely to become one of those ongoing ‘pointless’ arguments they have over and over. And these little, pointless spats can eventually shake a marriage.
Cleaning the house usually falls on the mother or whoever is staying home to take care of the children. However, if both spouses have full-time jobs, it is critical to find a balance between them both on taking care of the house chores. Otherwise, the household is sure to be a mess… and smell, too.
Sharing household chores together is only fair, but if one spouse won’t work with the other on keeping the house and yard clean and maintained, there is a problem. Perhaps one of them is making some mistakes – and it’s usually the one mainly doing the housekeeping. Sheri Stritof, at the website www. thespruce.com cites some common mistakes most housekeepers are liable of making when trying to motivate their partners to share in household chores:
• Asking for help. Don’t ask your spouse to help you around the house. That gives your spouse the idea that the household chores are your responsibility and not his or hers. You can tactfully and directly tell him what he needs to do. Another idea is to declare a time of the week, such as Saturday mornings, as cleaning time. Enlist the kids for age-appropriate chores as well. You will all be working together on a common goal.
• Not knowing what you want done by your spouse. Do you know what you want your spouse to do or are you expecting your mate to notice what needs to be done and then do it? If you choose the latter, you may be waiting for a really long time! Again, just directly tell him without whining or nagging.
• Lack of communication. It is important to be specific in communicating your expectations about household maintenance and cleaning.
Communication also involves listening to your spouse’s household chore expectations. If you find that you have frequent arguments on this topic, sit down to talk about it peacefully and calmly at some point. Talk about the impact that the imbalance has on you. Be open to hearing out your spouse, too. Your partner may be doing a lot more than you realize.
• Inflexibility and micro-managing. Is your way the only way to get a chore accomplished?
Do you re-do a task that your spouse just finished? Are you a gatekeeper or a micro-manager? This will definitely discourage your spouse from doing chores! You may need to accept the imperfections of how the bed is made, the dishwasher loaded or the meal that was served. Keep the big picture in mind. Have confidence in your spouse’s abilities, too.
• Nagging. Nagging can only make your spouse more resentful and defensive. There is a proper way to complain that involves you focusing on the underlying feeling you have when your spouse fails to meet you in the middle. Are you sad? Hurt? Confused? Don’t just criticize, say how you feel in reaction to your spouse’s specific behavior. Ask for what you need, as well. Don’t assume he knows how to read your mind.
• Lack of affirmation. When was the last time you complimented your spouse on a job well done? Do you regularly show gratitude for your spouse’s efforts? A “please” and “thank you” can go a long way. Avoid taking it for granted, having the attitude that your partner is just doing what he is supposed to, anyway. Everyone likes to hear appreciation and you should look for opportunities to show it especially in marriage.
Being married to a good-for-nothing or fighting over house chores can suck the romance out of a sweet relationship. Couples should be careful not to get caught up in that. There are ways to better manage or change the situation.