Our Measure of Others
I remember, in our Psychology class in college, we were taught that the simplest way to determine a person’s personal weakness is to observe what defects he or she easily spots in others.
Generally, we tend to focus more on other people’s shortcomings, sort of an instinctive way of diverting attention from our own. It’s a kind of defense mechanism that reveals a grave character flaw – self-righteousness. We seem to be telling ourselves, “I must be the superior one; look at all the bad things I’m finding in others!” We have the natural inclination to garnish our own traits but tarnish the other person’s. All of us, at one time or another has been guilty of this cruelty. Conversely, many of us have been victims of it.
When my classmate back in high school won the top prize in an oratorical contest, I belittled his achievement by saying all the other contestants were dull. But when our teacher praised my English composition project, I could not stop talking about it for a year.
Once, there was a lecturer who began his talk by showing a blank white paper to his audience. Then he made a tiny black dot at the center. Asked what they saw, those in attendance unanimously replied, “A black dot!” The speaker asked again, “Is that all that you see on this paper right now?” Everybody nodded. He then pointed out to them, “Doesn’t anyone notice the large space of white?”
Being judgmental of others somehow symbolizes a lack of compassion. It might help to think that however condemnable one’s behavior may seem, there may be a reason that brings it forth; we might do as bad – or even worse – if we were in that person’s circumstances.
Perhaps, we might avoid quickly judging others if we ask ourselves: “Would I have conducted myself better if I’d been faced with similar challenge?”
The tendency to be critical of others may be part of our nature. But, as has been proven many times, we can modify our nature for our own self-enhancement. We can draw inspiration from what is good in others and become better ourselves, rather than try to pull others down and perpetuate our own mediocrity.
It is a nice thing to focus on the good – rather than the bad – about other people. If we have to tell others about someone, let it be what’s praiseworthy about that person. Gossip is not a bad thing altogether; there is such a thing as good gossip – gossip about the graces of people, not their faults.
I have since devised a way to contain my judgmental nature. When I feel the temptation of passing harsh judgment on a person, I look in the mirror… and I am reminded of my own imperfections. But when I think well of someone, the mirror reflects a kind face.
When we develop the habit of focusing on the good in people, we acquire a personal virtue that can enlarge our own soul.