Chona Kasten’s house rules
Discipline and fortitude were two core values stressed by my mom Chona Kasten that were deeply rooted and quite necessary in all of our life rituals — in health and beauty, skincare and wellness, diet and exercise, detoxifying the outer and inner self (body, mind, and spirit), posture and visual poise, behavior in public and private places, hobbies of choice, human relations with close friends, spouses, partners, children, relatives, work colleagues, socials, entertainment, and amusement.
Growing up, I was taught that discipline was that inner strength, commitment, and pursuit, while fortitude was another force, an unwavering spirit, and each enhanced the other.
The house rules were these: quiet voices at breakfast, gingerly tiptoeing to greet her a good morning and invite her to the breakfast nook, or letting the household staff know how many surprise friends were having a meal with the family; being ready for Mass, parties, ballet, jazz, flamenco (tango would have been a must today), or Italian grammar classes, or school on time — but most importantly the smile on our clean, scrubbed faces and showered, scented bodies. When we traveled, packing lightly was truly being idealistic, and we all failed in that aspect; but our flying colors were neat and organized maletas.
As a teen, I was made conscious of beauty rituals, vanity, massages, punctuality, and blindly but fashionably wearing everything she selected or subsequently expressing ourselves by making the correct style choices, as she honed our taste to her standards. The nonstop “do not forgets” like saying “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry,” her tips for best dressing, success, reading, and awareness. We could never, ever laze about and look bedraggled, and no loud chatter.
As young adults we were really on our own but still under her sub- tly strict, caring, and gentle supervision. She suggested more than imposed, but believe me, we obeyed blindly and never said no. Today she is gone, but my siblings and I feel her La Divina presence every single day.
Another Chona basic was calm management, or being in a de- contracted state: unwinding and detoxing, muscle relaxation, mind meditation, and acting rather than reacting. A positive smile or expression on the face always helps to avoid wrinkles or being cranky and negative. Judith Jackson, an elegant lady from Westport, Connecticut, who used to own spas, called it “calm control.”
Personal expression was a form of relief, but, to be young in your late 40s, 50s, and 60s, one had to be positive and kind. I recall her very words: “Like paint brushing away the cobwebs in the heart and mind.” Being young was a state of mind that influenced physical looks and behavior.
It takes heaps of discipline and fortitude to follow these routines, or nonantiquated rules of thumb on happy habits, cleansing, relaxing baths, toning, walking, sports, dancing, detoxing regularly, nourishing our bodies by eating healthy, organic food, and an overall invigorating attitude.