Hele’s Berlinale journey: A diary of red carpets, a Silver Bear & Meryl Streep
Meryl and the rest of the jury members stood up, clapping their hands. She was saying a lot of things about our film being powerful, the scenes being similar to paintings where you think at first nothing’s happening but then you start seeing people walkin
By Hazel Orencio (Last week, Lav Diaz’s eight-hour epic Hele Sa Hiwagang Hapis won the Berlin International Film Festival’s Silver Bear Alfred Bauer Prize, an award given to a film that opens new perspectives in cinema. Lav’s partner, actress, muse, and collaborator, Hazel Orencio, writes this exciting first-person account of the Hele team’s Berlinale experience — from the opening of the festival, when nobody noticed them, to seeing head judge Meryl Streep from afar on the red carpet, to their sold-out premiere with a 1,600-person audience, and finally, winning the award and being approached by Ms. Streep herself. What did Meryl have to say to the Filipino contingent after watching their film? Here is Hazel’s diary. — Pepe Diokno)
Feb. 10. 3:28 p.m. Antipolo. I try to remember Antipolo as I leave it. Kissed my nephew and niece goodbye earlier after watching them play. Tomorrow, by this time, I’ll be in
Berlin. The weather won’t be as hot as in the Philippines. The streets won’t be as noisy. My mind floats from lack of sleep; for the last few weeks, we have been rushing to finish our film. Last night, the final cut was completed. We did our best. The fate of the film is up to the world now.
Feb. 11. 12:53 a.m. On a plane en route to Berlin. So this is how it feels to ride in a business class. Insert expletives here. Aaaah, the feeling of being able to rest on the soft cushion of my seat; how sweet it is to stretch my feet. I am excited. I cannot deny that. I will enjoy Berlin, I will enjoy watching films and meeting old friends. But that can wait. For now, rest.
Lav is re-reading Noli Me Tangere. Before we boarded, he was speaking to us about Jose Rizal’s journey to Berlin, when he was hungry and was about to burn the draft of Noli Me
Tangere until Maximo Viola prevented him from doing so and later on funded its publishing. I know a lot of local filmmakers but I have never seen any as focused and dedicated as Lav. He never stops studying. Here I am enjoying all the perks of being in business class, but Lav, who is the most attentive even to the littlest detail of his films, is beside me, reading. Again. Wow.
Still en route to Berlin. Lav is still reading. I peep and he’s at the Capitan Tiago chapter. Seriously, why is he reading? For the Q&A? For the interviews? Or just for the sake of reading? It makes me wonder if I should study, too.
Feb 19. 1:19 p.m. Berlin. It’s been a rollercoaster ride from the moment we landed. When we arrived, we only had two hours to rest, and none of us was able to sleep. Come 4:30 p.m., we started dressing up for the opening night. I chose the brown gown and I’m happy to be hearing nice comments from friends who saw our photos on the red carpet.
Practically everyone’s asking me how’s it like walking on the red carpet. Honestly? Nothing grand. It’s the opening night so generally, people and the press are after the Hollywood stars. When we walked, no one cared, we just went past. I didn’t mind, I know Lav didn’t as well. At least we got to be inside the hall fast.
We were standing in the hall for a while, sipping champagne, watching stars and famous people pass by, including Wim Wenders. Lav said he’s one of the greatest filmmakers of Germany.
Then I saw Meryl Streep, the head of the festival’s jury. I was just staring at her, watching her walk the red carpet from where we were (we were at the third floor and had good view of the red carpet). I can’t tell how long I’ve been watching her, but I was just simply speechless. Should I take a selfie? It was easy to do right there and then. But I was just contented watching her from afar. Really, that’s all I wanted to do.
Inside the Berlinale Palast, when the program started when we saw Channing Tatum, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton and Meryl Streep up close. Like, really close as we’re just on the second row from the stage. Again, Meryl Streep! I think it’s the closest I could ever get to her and I don’t mind. There were tears in my eyes as I watched her up close, highly thankful for this experience.
Wait, she’ll watch Hele, right? It makes me giddy thinking about it. I hope she likes Hele. I hope she likes our acting. I’m proud to say it’s one of the finest ensembles ever in Philippine cinema history and to be able to present it to these esteemed members of the jury is like presenting our country’s best. So I’m raising my Filipino pride high!
Feb 13. 6:56 a.m. I haven’t slept yet since 1 a.m. Jetlag. I feel pressured. I have always been like this with every screening of Lav’s films since I started working with him. I always fear something would go awfully wrong. The theater where the film will be screened has 1,600 seats. I’m not dreaming of filling that up. But I am scared of how people will react to the film. How the screening will go is out of our hands.
Feb 15. 8:11 p.m. John Lloyd Cruz, Piolo Pascual, Alessandra de Rossi, Tita Susan Africa, Tito Bernardo Berdnardo, Direk Joyce Bernal, Joel Saracho, and Piolo’s sister have finally arrived! It feels great to be with the family. We’re having dinner hosted by the Philippine Embassy.
Feb 16. 6:44 a.m. Prepping now for breakfast. I’m taking the festival program with me so Lav and I can debate on what to watch and manage our schedule. So far, we were able to ride the bus and train all by ourselves. But we have yet to ride the tram.
Feb 16. 3:52 p.m. News has it that Hele tickets for the premiere on the 18th are sold-out. Woah. You don’t know how nervous I am right now.
Feb 18. 5:48 a.m. Got up early and feeling a lot of emotions for Hele’s premiere later. In a few hours! If I can at least approximate the description of the feeling, I’ll compare it to the kind of jitters you feel during birthdays or graduation. Or maybe a wedding. Lav said to just have fun. I have been very attached to this project as I have been involved not just in the creative side but also the technical side and to say the least, this project has been my baby, the same way it has been Lav’s, and producers Paul Soriano and Bianca Balbuena’s baby, too. We’ve seen it come alive.
Last night, Bianca was overwhelmed with joy that she ended up getting drunk. I thought I won’t be like that, however overwhelmed I get. But I was wrong. Because right now, a few hours before the premiere, I’m about to break down.
Feb 19. 9:24 a.m. The morning after. I woke up to a series of messages from What’s App, iMessage and Line, all congratulating us. I checked the news and I learned Hele is the buzz here!
It was moving seeing all those people who attended the premiere. I had to step back in disbelief, at the point of tears, when the audience was cheering for us as we entered the venue. It was surreal! In 2012, we were happy with just seeing 20 faces at our screening. Now there’s 1,600.
Feb 21. 9:02 a.m. I’m still at a loss for words. I still need time to process everything. I was crying when Lav went up the stage to get the Silver Bear Alfred Bauer Prize.
The moment with Meryl Streep last night was magical. I actually had a conversation with her! I’ll try recall how it went. Tita Susan, Melo Esguerra and I went ahead to the dinner hall because Lav, John Lloyd, Tito Bernie and Paul were being interviewed at the press conference. So we went inside the tent, and found Bianca practically shrieking. I asked her, “What is it?” “We’re sitting beside Meryl Streep’s table! Oh my God!” she said. And I just went straight to our table without meaning to have Meryl notice us, but she did!
Meryl and the rest of the jury members stood up, clapping their hands! Then Meryl Streep approached me and Tita Susan and I was transfixed, speechless. She was saying a lot of things about our film being powerful, the scenes being similar to paintings where you think at first nothing’s happening but then you start seeing people walking from afar — and how even though the story is about our country’s history, it also speaks of the whole world’s history and struggle in general. She said it’s wonderful to see us alive and in color and beautiful! I thought she wouldn’t recognize me because I cut my hair short but she did. She looked at me and I saw her eye twinkle when she recognized who I was and she started speaking about pain of looking for something. We shook her hand and we held hands, oh my god! I hugged her and kissed her. I meant to just kiss her other cheek but she also kissed my right cheek. I said, “It’s an honor to meet you!” She said, “It’s an honor to be able to watch your film!”
I’m still thinking it just might be a dream but it wasn’t. It did happen.
Feb 23. 12:37 a.m. Manila. We just got home. The man in immigration asked Lav, “Are you a seaman?” Lav was smiling. I told them he’s a director. Cherie told them he’s the man who brought honor to the country. The man still didn’t get anything. Ha!
We had a mini celebration 37,000 feet above the ground inside the plane. The plane crew knew and had set up the celebration. It was fun! And the stewardess who started it all is Marie Piedad, who happens to be my schoolmate in high school. It was so nice of her to do that actually. I’ll never forget her.
Everyone’s emotional at the airport as we said goodbye to each other. John Lloyd even sent a message to our Viber group. Earlier, I found myself watching outside the plane as we landed, everything finally sinking in. I can’t help but shed a tear. It had been truly a wonderful experience! Off to go eat a nice Filipino food in a while. Finally.