Making time for courtesy and respect
Basic courtesy and good manners need not be the exclusive claim of public figures, celebrities and the rich. In fact, in most everyday transactions, common courtesy could go a long way towards reducing stress and improving efficiency. Within an organization, such civilities smoothen out what otherwise could be common sources of tension among staff, between the boss and employees, and even among its executives.
The father of modern management, Peter Drucker, believed in the power of politeness. “Good manners are the lubricating oil of organizations.” Bad manners, lack of civility and poor taste bear negatively on the morale and efficiency of any organization. Whether we look at a private corporation, a non-government organization, a government agency or the operations of a sari-sari store or karinderia, having a kind word and the patience in dealing with other people can spell the difference between attaining goals and going kaput.
Underlying the call for good manners is really a quest for that highly elusive concept of respect. Nowadays, there’s very little of it going around. Sure, respect may be something a person earns along the way in terms of one’s abilities; competence on the job; or the way one carries oneself. But respect for the person as a human being is the most basic of our values as moral and spiritual beings. In our haste to pursue whatever goals we may have set our minds to, we have forgotten that every person we come into contact with deserves, at the very least, compassion and understanding; never mind if we have little time left in our organization to try to make a big impression and leave some kind of legacy after our time is done.
American journalist Judith Martin, better known as Miss Manners, has been crusading against the lack of etiquette in our daily lives, particularly in the work environment. Through her syndicated column, she has tried to put back civility in interpersonal relationships. I wonder how Miss Manners would react to the boorishness and crass behavior that abound around us today. Some leaders think being an SOB is part of their job description; they may have the smarts and think themselves superior to their constituents in whatever level, but that kind of attitude creates an environment of fear and loathing among people.
Having a bastos leader can be quite a painful experience. Badmouthing and berating people and adversaries in public, naming and shaming, yelling and cussing at anyone within earshot, putting down and insulting anyone who tries to put in a word or two of retort, can be more excruciating than having to put up with a slave master with a whip. Unfortunately, there are many such leaders, especially in our once feudal culture where “bossmanship” comes with the right to oppress or to scare.
Tragically, these same boors are, most likely labeled righteous, sincere in their beliefs that they are doing the right thing. I know of one gentleman boss, for instance, who has a perverse view of the world and his organization. While practically everybody in his group puts up with his tantrums and antics, he has not been exactly lovable, and just about everyone has nothing but contempt for him. Yet, he sees himself as the fatherly “savior” of his people who, he believed, would have had nowhere to go had he not gotten them to join his team.
In another instance, one senior executive voiced out his opinion of his staff, and admitted that he didn’t think they were up to appreciating and understanding the topics in a seminar; to think that his staff was composed of lawyers and engineers. Without respect, this executive’s goals for his organization are doomed.
Etiquette is simply a result of behavior shaped by good breeding. It means growing up in a home nurtured by love, trust and respect. Clearly, kabastusan at home and at the office betrays the kind of upbringing these people had. This uncouth behavior is not only true of leaders, but of fellow workers and colleagues as well. There are many horror stories flooding organizational grapevines about them.
What does it take to be civil and respectful of other people? Will doing so detract from the pace and efficiency of a transaction or an interpersonal relationship? Will it prevent an organization from achieving its objectives? Drucker believes in its power to improve an organization, not only because it “lubricates” relationships, but also because it makes it more efficient. Don’t you wish our leaders heed Drucker and not just pay lip service to his lessons?
We are known to be a hospitable people, very accommodating and generally shy. To our guests and visitors, we bend over backwards just to make them feel at home. Yet among ourselves, we forget that we deserve just as much hospitality — and courtesy — as our guests, if not more so. Somehow, our bigotry gets the better of us. In an organization, this intolerance may be in the form of wanting to gain recognition, of bragging rights, of wanting to make an impression, and perhaps pursue a culture of fear. Whatever it may be, it won’t be any good if everybody hates us.
Courtesy and respect are not esoteric principles that require a doctorate degree to understand. In fact, it is innate in us, as human beings, to be considerate and understanding of our fellows. Consideration, caring and courtesy are the three Cs of leadership. Let’s be polite with each other. We would not have survived had we not become social beings, cooperating with one another to hunt prey — in prehistoric times — or to achieve that highly ambitious performance objective ---in modern times. Many of us may have forgotten that. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Life is short, but there is always time for courtesy.”
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What does it take to be civil and respectful of other people? Drucker believes this will improve an organization, not only because it ‘lubricates’ relationships, but also because it makes it more efficient.