More than just a memory
This Sunday, Mother’s Day will be bittersweet for top lawyer Ma. Louella
“Peaches” Martinez Aranas. As she celebrates the day with her two sons and revels in the gift of motherhood, she will be thinking, as all of us who have lost a child will, of the child she can no longer mother and smother with her hugs and kisses.
Five years ago, Peaches and lawyer Jesus Clint Aranas (now GSIS president) lost their youngest child and only daughter to dengue, just as they thought their little girl, then 11, was on the road to recovery.
“She was supposed to return to a normal room the night before she was intubated. All was going to be okay that Sunday. The next morning, Sandy was going to be off pediatric ICU watch! So, no, there was no bilin (last instruction or request). And there were no complaints! I remember whispering in her ear how courageous, brave and strong she was. This was because I can’t imagine how she lived through all the needles and sleepless nights without complaining at all,” recalled Peaches last Sunday, May 6, which would have been Sandy’s 16th birthday.
Asked to describe her daughter, Peaches confides, “Sometimes, I get scared of the idea that one day I will forget her. There are nights that I struggle trying to remember her favorite food, clothes, ice cream flavor.”
But Peaches, who was my student when she was in high school at the Assumption Convent, need not worry.
Because a mother’s heart never forgets, just as a baby never forgets the rhythm of her mother’s heartbeat.
“Sandy was born with very big and round and expressive eyes. She was born tiny and seemingly frail, like she could fit in a shoebox. As a baby, until she turned two, Sandy was more of an observer. She wasn’t fussy. In her silence, she displayed her intelligence. And she let me do all sorts of hairstyles on her, from pig tails, to braids to braids wound up like a cupcake on her head. She never complained.
“As she grew older, Sandy displayed her individuality with her own preferences on clothes, shoes, hairstyle and food. Against my will, I let her wear her skirt over her leggings, her arm gloves that looked like what tricycle drivers wore, her
chaleco vest over long-sleeved Taylor Swift shirts, which were actually nightgowns. I never understood her sense of fashion, but she looked pretty in them.
“Sandy loved to draw, although I don’t think drawing loved her back. Later on, I was proven wrong when she got into painting. Today, our house is adorned with these beauties.
“What I was surprised to learn about Sandy was how she was at school, not concerning schoolwork but concerning her attitude — Sandy was a ray of sunshine to everyone, greeting people she passes by on the hallways, including the maintenance staff at school. She would gladly share her favorite chips — Lay’s salt and pepper vinegar and her favorite snack — Spam sushi, with everyone. That’s why her favorite food was no secret to her school community. She would also spend lunches at the kindergarten classroom where she was fondly called ‘Ate Sandy.’
“As a daughter, Sandy was a pillar of support. When I cried, she held me close, she didn’t say much, she just asked — Mom, are you OK? I didn’t realize how much this meant, until now, now that I can’t ever hear those words again. She was also very malambing (affectionate), her favorite sleeping position had me wrapped around her long bony legs. She also loved to sit on my lap, despite that we used to ride around town in a huge van. And she was a deeply sensitive person. I found her notebooks where she would write her thoughts for the day, these were mostly prayers to God. “I don’t even know what it means to let her go.”
*** But Peaches had no choice. Her grieving heart found the courage to accept the truth for the sake of her two other children.
“What I do know is she is gone from this earth. She will never come back and I will never feel her bony legs locked in an embrace with mine. And that is something that I have to accept with God’s grace. It’s by faith that I believe she is with the Lord, in a perfect place. I had to remind myself that for Sandy and my other children, JC and Paco, this is a temporary home, and I am but a steward to them.”
Her faith was the rock she held on to as she was buffeted by the winds of grief on a very stormy sea.
“God, He has perfect plans for all of us, and taking Sandy home, leaving us to mourn in this earth, living with heartbreak and experiencing small victories after that, building strength to withstand pain, seeing why something is trivial, knowing to live with eternal purpose, and loving my children more, this already is a good life for me.” (To be concluded on Tuesday, May 15.)