Who will have the last laugh?

Foreign Affairs Secretary Alan Peter Cayetano sure knows how to make people laugh. I saw this firsthand during his recent visit to the

Philippine STAR office. When he started cracking jokes, even newsroom bosses burst out laughing -- notwithstanding that it was really late in the evening and they were already tired, having just put the next day’s issue to bed.

He quips, for instance, that if Bongbong Marcos says that Vice President Leni Lobredo cheated in the 2016 polls and if the Vice President says the same thing of the late dictator’s son, then the real winner must be him.

“Eh kung nandaya si Bongbong at nandaya si Leni, eh di ako talaga yung nanalo!”

He then he cracks another joke. Anyone else who wants take over the House leadership or wants to become Senate president? It’s really very simple: “Bring your own mace.” As for Speaker Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, Sec. Alan ponders on her dramatic takeover of the House leadership.

They should have just given her the mic at the time, he said. But wait – he cracks another joke. “Pwedeng ibalik ang mic, wag lang ibalik si Mike!” And we all laughed once more.

Somewhat lost in translation, these jokes perhaps lost a lot of humor when retold in writing, but believe me that night, with Sec. Alan’s impeccable timing and delivery, I and the bosses all had a hearty laugh.

Of course, Sec. Alan, who was accompanied by his team led by Philippine Ambassador to Washington Jose “Babe” Romualdez, didn’t visit us to dish out a mouthful of jokes. He explained the whole Philippines-China dispute, which is really no laughing matter.

Not bullied

It was a lengthy discussion and he sure knows his stuff. Amidst all the criticisms hurled against the Duterte administration’s handling of the territorial dispute with China, Sec. Alan does not believe the Philippines is being bullied.

“Do I think the Philippines is being bullied? No, I don’t think so,” he said.

Balancing act

The Duterte administration’s foreign policy – “friend to all, enemies to none” -- he explained, is simply results-driven and not about trying to show the world that we can toughen it up with our neighbors. “It’s really a balancing act,” he said. As we all know, the Duterte administration’s seemingly soft stance on China has been widely criticized by experts and ordinary Filipinos alike.

But Sec. Alan said, results wise, the country has been reaping the benefits of being a non-aggressor.

He believes if the government does a publicity stunt in the global stage by criticizing China – or Malaysia and Vietnam -- the Philippines will not gain anything.

“Kung ang strategy ay pahiyain sila, it will not work kasi anyone would want to defend his country,” Sec. Alan said.

Instead, he said, what’s more important is that we should project an image that we are willing to settle peacefully.

He has a list of what we’ve gained so far by being nice to China – tourists, loans, investments and so on and on.

Joint exploration

On the joint exploration in the disputed seas, Sec. Alan vowed to make it happen before President Duterte’s term ends.

It becomes really urgent now because Malampaya is thinning out, he said.

Right now, Sec. Alan is negotiating the final terms of a possible joint exploration deal. He said it cannot be an arrangement that is worse than Malampaya.

“What we will examine is the contract. It is really just painting the picture – it has to be as good or better than Malampaya,” he said.

In all, Sec. Alan is proud of the Duterte administration’s foreign policy.

I can see where he is coming from. And I’m sure it must be very tough to be the country’s chief diplomat.

In Moscow in 2017, when I covered Duterte’s historic – albeit abrupt – visit to the Russian capital, I covered Sec. Alan for the first time. He was different from the abrasive senator I saw on television. It was his first major bilateral meeting. He did his homework. I told him he was a fast learner. Fast forward to

today, Sec. Alan now sounds like a seasoned diplomat.

Speaking to reporters prior to his departure for South Korea on Friday night, he said China has committed not to build on any uninhabited feature in the disputed territories.

“I reiterate: if anyone, any of the critics can show, that we lost one grain of sand or one square-inch of our territory or sovereign rights, I will not just resign – I will neither accept any appointment nor run (for office),” he said.

But I also believe the Duterte administration must be more transparent with its negotiations with China or any other country for that matter so the public would have no concern for worry. How this will end is still anybody’s guess. At the end of the day, the Duterte administration will be judged not by how much Chinese investments came during its time or how many cruise ships filled with Chinese tourists docked on our shores, or how many Chinese-run casinos will rise on our pristine islands.

In the context of territorial disputes, it will only be judged by what the country lost to China – whether it’s the smallest sandbar or the right to fish in our seas.

And when the day of reckoning comes, I hope it’s not China who will have the last laugh.

Iris Gonzales’ e-mail address is eyesgonzales@gmail.com.