Martin Nievera opens up about being a ‘special parent’ to son Santino
Martin Nievera recently shared how being a “special parent” to his son Santino is the “most rewarding thing in the world.” The concert king is becoming more open about the youngest of his three sons, after Robin and Ram, being on the autism spectrum. “(He’s) ADD, he’s Aspergers, so he’s on the spectrum, high-function, low social skills,” Martin told The STAR in an exclusive chat. “But now at the age of 16, sobrang social skills, he will talk to you forever, he’s a hugger just like me, he doesn’t shake hands, he’ll just hug you. “And he loves pretty girls. When a girl has makeup, she’s a mermaid. In school, they say he’s great with numbers, very friendly, a leader. He goes to a regular school with a special class in it. That’s what we don’t have here. So, I’m so blessed he’s in America because they have a regular school with a special class. He gets to be put in a regular class of his age and grade every other day, and then balik sa special class.” When asked what it’s like to be a parent of a child with special needs, Martin said, “They should never call it a special child. To be a parent of a special child is to reword it. They should be a special parent for a child because there are so many things I saw in Santino, my special child, that I saw in Robin, in Ram, even in myself, but we didn’t label it as autism. We didn’t say that he or I was ever on the spectrum. “But somehow, in today’s standards, everything has a label. Everything has a cure or medication or an herb or a CBD that is good for autism or challenges of autism. Back in my day, I was spanked, I was scolded, I was punished, I was raised the way most Filipino children were then raised and I did the same way for Robin and Ram and they seemed to be in perfect shape. Why couldn’t I have done that for Santino? Because the world has labeled him as a special child. “I never saw him that way. I’ve never treated him that way, I don’t talk to him that way, just that one night, that SOFA event I told you about earlier, where I only realized I was talking about autism in front of my child.”
The veteran singer was referring to Sing Out For Autism (SOFA), the foundation he established with ex-partner and Santino’s mother, Katrina Ojeda.
“His mother and I, who are still very good friends, put this foundation together. We’re trying to raise funds to help other people who don’t want to be vocal about their special children. A lot of people are ashamed of it. A lot of couples have broken up because of it, namely me and Santino’s mother,” he said.
“But we have realized that this is gonna be a lifelong journey so we’re trying to help other people who have similar journeys by doing this foundation called SOFA.”
During the launch, Martin’s older kids, Ram and Robin, with their mom and Martin’s ex-wife Pops Fernandez were present to give their full support. He further recalled how emotional a moment it was to be saying the words “autism” and “special needs” with Santino in the audience, and when his child was thanking the people for coming.
“That was the first time we actually told our child, through this event, that ‘you are special, you have autism, you are an autistic child,’ which we try to not tell our kids,” he said. “That was where his mother and I both broke down because, my god, we never thought we had these words with our son ever.”
Martin first became aware of Santino’s condition back when he was trying to enroll him in preschool. “I remember enrolling him in a school, the secretary, whom I was just told to give the check, said to me, ‘Is your child special?’ ‘He’s very special to me.’ ‘No, I mean is he special, is he on the spectrum?’ ‘Can I ask why are you asking me that question?’ Because he was freaking out in the room, I said, all kids have tantrums, he’s just having a bad day. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t take your check, we have to cancel his enrollment because we don’t have this in this school.’ Can you imagine?” he looked back.
“It happened twice. Wala na. When I told the mother who’s a teacher, she let him have it as she should. No one should be denied an education.”
Initially, the hitmaker was in denial and didn’t publicly talk about it until recent years. About 10 years ago, he hinted at it through a song titled Magic. “I wasn’t supposed to tell the world about my son, right? I wrote a song that’s called Magic because I looked forward to the day when I could tell you proudly and confidently what the magic of my son is. Because they say, during that time, all special kids, all kids in the spectrum, have some sort of ability, some sort of special gift — piano, numbers, organization, OCD, whatever. I wanna know what that magic is so I put that into a song called Magic,” he revealed.
Nowadays, Martin proudly and confidently introduces Santino in his concerts whenever he has the chance. The teenager loves music so much, especially playing the drums, and he gets to showcase that during his father’s shows.
“He loves (being on stage) and he’ll grab the mic and tell you about mermaids. ‘My dad’s a mermaid,’ he said that once. ‘Alright, thanks for that.’ You just have to go with it and I do it in front of an audience. And the question should be, why? ‘Why do you do it in front of an audience?’ Because that’s my life. I do everything in front of an audience so why not raise my kids in front of an audience? It might change a life.”
Indeed, he had never imagined this day would come. “But if I could just help one family, one mother, or one father who is in despair, then my job is done.”
Martin further reflected about parenting Santino: “To be a special parent to my Santino is the most rewarding thing in the world. You’d think it would be the biggest challenge. But when you see progress, when we see him learn and do something (that took forever to teach), it’s such a rewarding feeling…
“If I could only see the world through his eyes, I would in a second. I wanna know how he sees the world, how he counts, how he looks forward to anything, how he’s disappointed, why he’s so quick-tempered — why he’s quick-tempered because he’s after perfection. I wanna know what it feels like because I’m not like that. OK lang yun. (With him) it’s not OK lang yun, it has to be perfect (or) he’ll have a fit.
“I wanna know what the world has in store for him, the way I do, for Robin and Ram. Nothing changes, the love and attention is all the same. What makes it different is when we see the results of a special child, we know how special we are as parents.”