Keeping it Real
An impossible dream with today’s social media-led beauty standards?
Bestselling Author, Performer and Digital Content Creator and mum of girls, Tova Leigh shares her take on modern day beauty.
Apparently 12 year olds are getting gel nails. There’s been a ‘glow up’ over the summer and some kids are showing up at school with a full face of makeup.
To be fair, I don’t blame them.
If I were a tween or a teen living in 2024, and I spent as much time as some of these kids are spending on social media, chances are I’d be feeling pretty lousy about my appearance and I’d want a glow up, too.
Heck, social media can make even this grown ass woman who truly doesn’t care what anyone else thinks about the fact she wears sandals with socks sometimes feel a little insecure about her C section shelf and endless cellulite from time to time, so I can’t imagine what it must be like for young people, and particularly young girls.
The illusions in the virtual world make even our frumpiest moments look chic and it’s very easy to fall into the beauty trap, especially if you are young and your body is changing and all you want is to not stand out and be accepted by your peers.
On top, our nature as humans is to compare ourselves to others, and while I was growing up back in the 80’s we compared ourselves to Barbie with her tiny waist, squeezed lemon on our hair in an attempt to have perfect blonde locks like she did and dreamt about what it must be like to be as thin as a supermodel, kids today are fantasising about the day they can have plastic surgery that will make them look like a Snapchat filter.
The truth is, unrealistic beauty standards for women in particular are nothing new. They go back as far as the ancient Greek and ancient Egyptian times, and they have evolved throughout the centuries. There were times in which women were expected to be busty, times it was all about the hair, or lips, or hips and of course I don’t think my eyebrows have fully recovered from the 90’s thin eyebrow look that sent us all plucking!
Point is, we’ve all been to the ‘trying to achieve something unachievable’ rodeo, unaware of the fact we were never meant to reach a point where we’d be happy with our looks, because that would send multi-billion industries out of business, and so instead the standards keep changing and the chase continues.
“Filters and AI tools are taking the term “unrealistic” to another level.”
Of course, looking back, it’s easy to see this vicious and pointless cycle and as I approach my 50’s I am delighted to report I feel liberated and free to be happy in my body at whatever size, with how many ever wrinkles and if my hairy armpits offend anyone - it’s really not my problem.
But, it’s been a long journey to get here, paved with tears, tweezers and a lot of cake.
You could argue there is no difference between looking at a cover of Cosmo back in 1984 and thinking “I wish I had Cindy Crawford’s hair” to scrolling on Instagram or Tik Tok in 2024 and thinking “I wish my private
area was small enough to fit into the same micro thong Kim Kardashiam is wearing”.
But personally, I think that while in some ways nothing has changed (kids are still feeling the pressure to look a certain way), I believe a lot of change has happened, some for the better and some for the worse.
On the one hand, Gen Z are more into individuality and self expression, and as an environmentally conscious generation, more and more of them are rejecting big brands and opting for small, local, sustainable alternatives, including DIY cosmetics and fashion, like making their own shampoos, doing their own nails, etc. The fashion industry has also adapted and has become more inclusive over the years, and these days there is more representation in terms of body types, ethnicities, etc, which all contribute towards building better self-esteem and confidence.
On the other hand, social media and technology are playing a massive role in shaping young people’s minds in how they see themselves. The filters and AI tools are taking the term “unrealistic” to another level, and while back in the day only few people were able to have bodies like Elle Macpherson (aka ‘The Body’), no one can keep up with the level of perfection AI influencers and models are bringing to the table nowadays.
My hope is that kids will reject these ideas and see beyond the catfish filters, but at the same time I also know they are up against a giant beast that’s using sophisticated algorithms to, not only target them and sell them crap they don’t need (no one needs a fridge for their makeup I’m sorry), but also get them hooked and make sure they never leave.
As a parent I worry a lot about what content my children are consuming on their devices. It’s something I know many parents think about.
I realise and accept that some experiences are part of growing up and can’t be avoided, but I also know it’s my job to keep reminding them about how fake social media is and encourage them to interact with friends and people in the real world outside of their bedrooms and away from their screens.
When you look around you on the street, in the mall, cinema or at the beach, that’s when you see real people living their real lives in their real bodies without filters, great lighting, professional photographers or clever angles. It’s important to remember that.
“The truth is, unrealistic beauty standards for women in particular are nothing new.”
This young generation was born into a world where technology and social media are a big part of it and unlike us, the generation of playing on the streets for hours and not being “connected” all the time (let’s be honest, our parents had no idea where we were or what we were up to), it must be very hard telling the difference between what’s real and what is not.
It is important to pause and bring awareness to how different people in the real world look to those on the screens in the palm of their hand and how our uniqueness, and even our so-called flaws, are a cause of celebration.
To be honest, it’s a good reminder for all of us.
Follow Tova @tova_leigh