Living With Alzeimer’s

My grandmother (we call her Ma-ma) would ask “What’s your name?”, “Why are you here?”, reaching out to take my hand whenever I walked into her bedroom. If my younger brother were to come in at the same time, she would ask if he was my son. We would then carry on with the ritual of saying our names and telling her that we were her grandsons.

Although Ma-ma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, a form of dementia, four years ago, she had been able to walk about on her own. Sadly, during Chinese New Year last year, she fell and broke her hip. Since then, not only did she become wheelchairbound, her mental health worsened rapidly, too. Now, she just sits in her wheelchair each day, looking dazed. She is unable to help herself or comprehend anything that is going on around her because she has reached the later stages of this crippling disease.

There is a Chinese saying: “jia you yi lao, ru you yi bao”. This means that if there is an elderly person in the home, there is a treasure in the family. We always thought this was true for we certainly treasured Ma-ma. Then her disease started showing the symptoms ever so subtly but surely, and our lives changed.

Ma-ma is the matriarch of the family. Tall and slim-built, she had that dignified look about her that told the world she was a person to be respected. Indeed, she used to be a primary school teacher. Her hair was always dyed black and immaculate, and her attire was always right for the occasion. There was never a strand of white hair seen on her head nor any blemish on her face.

“What’s your name?”

“Why are you here?”

Then Ma-ma started asking if anybody had seen her keys or who had taken her handbag, her money, her spectacles and other items of hers. At first, we attributed her forgetfulness to her old age. But when we had to look for her things many times a day, the situation became exasperating and caused much tension in our family. We found keys in the fridge, her dentures in the cupboard and her lipstick in her pencil case; Ma-ma vehemently denied ever putting any of the items where they had been found, and regarded us with the suspicion of having done it ourselves.

Then, there were the daily phone calls from Ma-ma. Since her retirement, Ma-ma had little else to do except knit and meet with her few friends for the occasional tea. I remember going out with my mother and Ma-ma called us 9 times within half an hour! She would ask us where we were, what time we would be home and she stated that she did not like to stay at home alone. Each time, she would deny having rung us previously.

Eventually, my aunt and my mother decided to take her to the doctor. We were all stunned when she was diagnosed as having Alzheimer’s as she had always been so healthy, but the diagnosis explained her strange behaviour.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, Alzheimer’s is a brain disease that causes a slow decline in memory, thinking and reasoning skills. What is sad is that there is currently no cure for this disease, although there are medications to treat the cognitive and behavioural symptoms.

The initial treatment given to Ma-ma was a medicated patch, much like a plaster, to be worn on the arm 24 hours a day. At first, it did seem to help as she did not seem to be as anxious and aggressive. But as she progressed into the later stages of dementia, this medication lost its effectiveness, and we had to change her medication.

The Alzheimer’s Association also gave the following 10 warning signs and symptoms of the disease, of which Ma-ma displayed them all:

1

Memory loss that disrupts daily life. Ma-ma would say she had showered when she really hadn’t done so.

2

Confusion with time or place. Ma-ma would insist that her home wasn’t her real home, and would ask us to take her home.

3

Difficulty completing familiar tasks at home, at work or at leisure. Ma-ma would start her knitting and unpick the stitches again and again. She couldn’t finish her project even though knitting had been her favourite hobby.

4

Challenges in planning and solving problems. Ma-ma would stare at a pile of laundry to be folded and wouldn’t know where to start.

5

Misplacing things and losing the ability to retrace steps. Ma-ma would always say “I don’t know where” and “I don’t remember”.

6

Trouble understanding visual images and spatial relationships. Ma-ma couldn’t understand why the television was making so much noise and often insisted that ‘those people’ on-screen were scolding her.

7

Problems with words in speaking or writing. Ma-ma could read and write individual words very well but she didn’t know the meaning of any of the words.

8

Withdrawal from work or social activities. Ma-ma would turn down our offers to take her out, even though she repeatedly said that she didn’t want to be alone at home.

9

Decreased or poor judgment. Alzheimer’s patients tend not look where they are going; climbing up or down the stairs became a problem for Ma-ma.

10

Changes in mood and personality. Ma-ma was, by nature, an introvert but she changed into someone who couldn’t stop chatting. At other times, she displayed extreme paranoia.

Looking back, I think Ma-ma had been unhappy for a long time. With everyone either going off to work or school, she must have felt she was left behind. Could her loneliness have contributed to the deterioration of her mental health? Perhaps we had not spent enough time with her? Or paid enough attention to her?

I miss the Ma-ma I used to know: the spirited woman I could talk to and tease. This illness has stripped her of her dignity, her quality of life and her memory. She does not recognise me anymore, and I already feel a vacuum in the house, even though she is sitting right there .

For now, I am thankful to still be able to greet her when I come home from school, and to talk to her. And hopefully, in these shared moments, she may just sense my connection with her.